Working in Westminster

Intelligence not Required

 

 

 

 

By Roland Michel Tremblay

An insignificant sheep lost amongst the billions

 

 

44E The Grove, Isleworth, Middx, London, TW7 4JF, UK

020 8847 5586, 0794 127 1010

rm@crownedanarchist.com  www.crownedanarchist.com

 

 

 

 

Summary

 

 

Westminster’s Fever Part A

Working in Westminster Part B

I’m a West End Girl

I’m an East End Boy

Westminster No More

You are not Important Enough

Another Boring Day in Westminster

I Graduated, but Just

My Little Cousin

I’m Inspired Tonight

I am out of this world

I’ve become an undesirable

Am I alive?

Just admit it

Go ahead with your dreaming

Being stopped by love

I’m the Brain behind Westminster

Desperate People

Cockpit Steps

We were so naive

You’re so Perfect

Back Off Bitch!

I Hate Men

I’m a Westminster Icon

Dreaming on my Lunch Hour

I’m Such a Peaceful Fellow

I am not a Citizen

Another Panic Attack

I'm Useless

No Way Out

If alcohol did not exist

Trying to Connect

When I was a little boy

Describing the Heart of London

I bumped into the Prime Minister

Remaining true to oneself

Get inspired, if you can

Making History

I’m your Westminster’s Whore

He slept with a prostitute!

Should I vote Labour or Conservative?

Guilty!

Other White

Lady Di is Dead

Who will remember you in 20 years?

I’m Self-Centred

I’m worth more than any of you

Alien Nation

Love is an overrated meaningless concept

I’m still a Virgin

The Cynicism Paradox

My neighbours are bunkers

Surrounded by incompetence

Blogging things

Election Day

What sort of government would respect the law?

Warning! My fish has died

I’ve reached rock bottom

I am now a Satanist

You’re such a liar

It will be over faster than making coffee

Tea Time

Let’s exploit them all

The Master Bitch of Westminster

The most miserable human being on earth

Dear me, I’m working with Thatcher herself

The ODPM has failed again

You’re corrupt

I’ve gone mad!

Another Disciplinary

Oh yes, you’re history

King Henry the Eighth

Darkest Moments, Brightest Successes

Ideas of Greatness

Where’s that damn cancer?

Bombs under London

Do you think Londoners will leave London now?

More security in London, are you joking?

Brixton, the Pulse of the Nation

I’m not proud

The Corporation

Am I just fast food?

An insignificant sheep lost amongst the billions

I am in turmoil

My God! I’m a force of nature!

Imprisoned for treason

I want to be God!

Geniuses are killed before they’re born

I'm moving to L.A.!

I'm out of here!

Fuck Mummy! I will succeed!

Changing our Perspective

My year of hell in Westminster

In Between Days

It’s party time!

Did you ever exist?

I will fall flat on my face

I have resigned from Westminster

Hollywood, here I come!

 

 

 

 

Westminster’s Fever Part A

 

Oh Westminster

So much to answer for

I have been seduced

Now I could not picture my life without you

 You’re anything and everything

Symbol of life and hell

For the world to enjoy and suffer

See the end or the beginning of things

I will celebrate you

Forever and ever

 

Oh Westminster

So much to answer for

Wrong book, wrong time, wrong soul

How have I fell in love with you?

It is beyond understanding

It goes against every fibre in my body

And yet, I am here

To open my eyes and fall on my knees

And pray for your protection

Against the evil of this world

I must have been brainwashed

And yet, I am here every day

Hoping that you will be my salvation

 

Oh Westminster

So much to answer for

What are you really?

What do you hide behind so much history?

Who else is to come to make you powerful?

And will you ever die?

From you came unhappiness

From you came death

There’s no denying it

It is recorded everywhere for posterity

Yet, you mean so much to me

I need to be cured from this insane love affair

 

 

Working in Westminster Part B

 

9 O’clock rings at the Big Ben again

Are we Monday or Friday?

Today, been debating the new Building Regulations Part L addendum

About… boilers

All day

All week

All month

Seventy conferences

One hundred and twenty workshops

And I’m not exaggerating

Making the life of everybody a misery

I’m just gonna take a gun and shoot myself

 

12 O’clock rings at the Big Ben again

Can’t tell what day this is

Today, been debating Dispute Resolution, Arbitration, Adjudication

The hell of Construction and Engineering Law

Filled with land mines

Which cannot fail to explode in your face

In every single project

Delays, over budget, gold pot for every solicitor and barrister

Making the life of everybody a living hell

I’m just gonna take a gun and shoot them all

 

5 O’clock rings at the Big Ben again

I think it’s Saturday

I’m still at work

Today, energy, regeneration, development, environment

Regulations regulating till death

Sustainability! The new buzz word that means nothing

Don’t care about Global Warming, Global Dimming

Don’t give a shit about Asbestos

Making life not worth living

Free me! Free yourself!

Let me get out of Westminster for good!

Before I become the new law!

Before I start dictating the new regulations!

Before I rule this world!

 

Westminster

Before you take away our last dying breath

I’m just gonna take a gun and shoot you

 

 

I’m a West End Girl

 

My Dad came from Africa

Diplomatic things

I’ve been living in Oxford Circus all my life

In a flat paid by the British government

Everything within walking distance

Can’t stand working in Westminster

Not even a sandwich shop within a mile

Got to go to Victoria for that

No good for me

I’m a Mensa member, you understand

In the 2% superior race

93% Geek Girl

My brain’s about to crack

As I’m so intelligent

I’m the black sheep of the family

Don’t believe in religion

Don’t believe in the Right

Don’t believe in marriage

Don’t believe in anything really

I’m a West End girl you know

Proud of all that meaningless crap

Because it gives my life a meaning

Because otherwise I’m worthless

My hair is so shiny

My boobs are crying to get out all over your face

Am I worth meeting or what?

I run this place, I’ve been here for years

And you better understand me

Or I’ll destroy you

 

 

I’m an East End Boy

 

I’m just an Executive

I can’t speak

I can’t think

Yet I’m trying to impress the boss

Got to try to save my job

He’s the big bastard

About to sack everybody

I’m first on his list

I cannot stop thinking about my next pint

The next party

These never ending meetings bore me to death

Oh, I have to fight so hard to stay awake

God knows how I’ve been able to maintain myself in Westminster for so long

It must be clear to everyone that I don’t belong here

Must be because my Manager fancies me

No other explanation

Or else, in Westminster, no need for a brain

The scum of London ends up here

The ones incapable of accomplishing anything all day

No problems, intelligence is not required in Parliament Square

The bastard won’t succeed

I’ll still be working here when he’s gone

Mummy, I’ll make you proud

One day I’ll be the Manager

Even though I will still not know what it is

that I am supposed to do here

No problems

We’re in Westminster

Intelligent people need not apply

 

 

Westminster No More

 

Oh dear, I’m stressed to death

Tomorrow is back to Parliament Square

I would do anything not to go

I would wash your feet and clean your teeth

I would tuck you to bed and kiss your children like a good boy

I would do your dishes and your washing

I would do anything!

But please, please, please

Don’t let me go to Parliament Square ever again

 

Oh dear, my existential crisis has reached a critical stage

Tomorrow is back to the Big Ben

I will do anything not to go

I am quite prepared to stop writing and whinging

I will pretend that I have never existed

I will disappear somewhere

You will never hear from me again

I will do anything!

But please, please, please

Don’t let me go to the Big Ben ever again

 

Oh dear, I’m having a heart attack

Tomorrow is back to Westminster

I must do anything not to go

I must get out of this job

I must move any mountains along the way

I must become crazy

That’s my only way out, I’m afraid

No more begging

To not have to go back to Westminster

I must do insane things!

So you better watch out

Cos I am reaching the end of my tether

 

 

 

You are not Important Enough

 

Who are you?

That important, hey?

Sorry Sir, I had not realised

How important you are

The respect you deserve

Such accomplishments

Such a social status

So much money

Is that your car outside?

Were you not on the news yesterday?

Were you not in Iraq last week?

Yeah, yeah, I know you saved the world once again

I have heard of your deal

Common knowledge how great you are

Let me make you a coffee

Let me order you an egg sandwich

Let me wipe your bum

I meant, let me wipe your seat

Please sit here

My boss will be with you in a moment

Tell me, how’s the wife, the kids?

How is it going with the Palestine?

Any chance for peace in the next thousand years?

Sorry, yes Sir, I will mind my own business from now on

I will care only for things that are from my level of intelligence

Here is your coffee

Ah, your egg sandwich just arrived

The toilets are on the right, but they’re broken

No, four floors down for the next one

No time, sorry, my boss is ready for you

Don’t worry, so much shit comes out of your mouth most of the time

Perhaps you would care to shit from the right hole this time

It was a pleasure meeting you

Have a nice day Sir