Where paradise turns to hell
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Los Angeles already has its hook on me
I don’t want to fall in love again!
Permanent Summer with Palm Trees and Canyons
My Great Shitting and Peeing Period
I can
kiss my career in politics goodbye
Why have I not thought of that first?
Whatever it is you couldn’t stand about me
My new big venture will destroy everything
How and why has this reached me?
Can I be even more metaphysical than that?
Los Angeles does not really exist
One billion
deaths is not enough for me
Private Equity, our New Religion
We may still save humanity in America
Hail to the bugs, the true leaders of this world
Do I have to be completely off my mind?
I must be drunk to provoke you like that
I came to Los Angeles to
become a positive force
Beyond that Californian Mountain
I want
to be a Damn Modern Californian Hippy!
Study your
symbolism, for god’s sake!
You tried to get me sacked, this is War
The
World is filled with Backstabbers
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, I’ve been told to stop talking about
my sexuality
Drinking yourself to death in L.A.
They’ve
been testing me, like a rat!
Oh my God! How will I survive this?
I finally
went to Disney Land, Heek!
Got to get
back to some sense of normality
It always
comes back to that, isn’t it?
Feeling orgasmic about… another project
500,000 people in New Orleans need mental health services
The
Decline of the Gay American Empire
Tomorrow will be such a great day all over L.A.!
I can
get away with murder, remember that
One more day in the Bible Belt, and I might have to shoot
you all
Desperate for a gun in America
The Mormon’s
Disney Land in Utah
What Salt
Lake City has got to offer
Let me
buy you out just to shut you up
Just
continue to follow the trends
Compensating for being Extra Fat
I’ve survived
another suicide attempt
I cannot be trusted, I will fail every time
Another legal action against me
Desperately
Seeking Pubic Lice Lotion in L.A.
You must think I’m an old pervert
Notice of Resignation, The Perfect Sample Letter
Whatever your achievements, it will always be useless
Living
beyond everyone’s expectations
Do we need
to alienate the whole world?
I have lived! And now I can die…
I am lost
Took a wrong turn at some point
And now I have been shipped to
Without my will
Without being aware
Just followed destiny
The path all laid out for me
Destiny must be wrong
I don’t feel right
I belong to
I belong to
Oh my King, will you ever forgive me
For abandoning you like this
Sacrificing everything for something I
don’t believe in
Seemed so attractive at the time
Seemed so promising and filled with opportunities
Which have not materialized
Perhaps it is because I have done nothing
since I am here
I have not tried to connect to anyone
I am so tired
Just thinking about doing anything is a
killer
I just want to go to bed and sleep forever
I have no more dreams
No more goals
I am as good as dead
Killed my last hope
You can have all the talent in the world
You can have all the potential that you
will ever need
You can be driven to madness with your work
And write and write and write until you
drop dead
You can have produced everything there is
under the sun
You can have done it all and then done it
all again
And yet, you are not going anywhere anytime
soon
You can move closer to the buzz
You can be right in the middle of it all
Where it is all happening
And yet, nothing is happening
Nothing will ever happen
You are stuck on this planet forever
With nowhere to go
Nothing to hope for
Disillusioned by what life has to offer
For your happiness at least
The void, the big large void
You have never existed
You will never exist
Thirty years completely wasted
Where would I be today
Without those stupid dreams
That drove me to insanity?
Not in
What was I thinking?
I must be mad
How can I correct my mistake?
How can I go back in time
And stop this from ever happening
How can I just erase those last few months
How can I change my life for the better?
Is there not a quick guide
An instruction book somewhere?
To make everything easier
To prevent you from destroying your life
And the life of others who love you?
I am in a Black Hole
The biggest of all
At the end of the funnel
I’ll be crushed
I think I’ve reached that point
There is no going back
No one escapes Black Holes
You would have thought I would have seen it
coming
You would have thought I would have found a
way out
Dreams make you blind
Dreams bring your downfall
I will have to pay for my mistakes
I will never go anywhere
Ever again
I told myself
No more will I think of suicide
No more will I be so depressed
I need some positivism in my life
It is all psychological anyway
I just have to change my attitude towards
life
I was going to become alive
Under the great Californian sun
I was going to grow
Be more mature
Finally become an adult
Take my responsibilities
Sort myself out
You don’t change
You can move
You can forget your past
You can re-organize your life
You never change
At least I am not suicidal anymore
It is all psychological anyway
I do not let these thoughts come alive
I no longer drink myself to death
And let the devil in
Temptation, temptation, temptation
The little devil is coming back in
I can’t stop him
I’ll have to become suicidal again
I have not found what I was looking for in
A few palm trees out of my window
A Californian driving license
A tour of all the studios in
Just won’t do the trick
I don’t belong to this world
Even if I were to belong
I cannot belong in just a small capacity
That’s not me, that’s not what I want
I don’t want to be a name in the final
generic
I want to be central to my revolution
I want to create the biggest revolution
ever
I want to have such an impact
It will shake the planet
Oh, now I understand what my problem is
Of course there’s no solution
To my insatiable thirst for power
I want to be a force of nature
Who could ever be a force of nature?
I could not, it is impossible
Anyway
I’m afraid
Palm trees
Just won’t do
Work tomorrow
I would do anything not to go
I’ve got to work on my other projects
tonight
I would do anything not to
I’ve got some dreams to make come true
I would do anything to just forget about it
all
I wish I was a bum
With no jobs
With no aspirations
Without a dream
So simple life could have been
Just be a bum
Don’t worry about anything
No more stupid ideas
No more obligations
No more anything
Just live your day to day bum’s life
What a wonderful concept!
Instead of being a corporate drone
Instead of being an industry whore
Instead of being a bitch and be control by
bitches
Just be a bum!
Save yourself the trouble
No more work ever!
No more responsibilities ever!
No more goals to achieve, ever!
Just go back where you came from
And just die there on some social
securities
Or just make your bed somewhere on a lost
street
Or in a park in the woods
Eat from the garbage cans
Or find some eatable roots or something
Or just let yourself die in the gutter
Perfect for me
That’s what I’ll do next
Let me work on it
Let me reorganize my schedule to make it
come true
Let me start dreaming about it
It is my next big goal in life
I’ll become a bum
Your first rate bum
And I’ll be the happiest bum alive
Without the faculty of thinking
How I wish I was a bum…
I’m afraid to admit it
I don’t want to realize it
Dear, dear, dear
I would not be able to live without it
And yet, I am already in love with
What am I gonna do?
I cannot have a home in both places
Though I think this is what I will have to
do
Six months here, six months there
No other solutions
I now have two lovers
Too much love that I can deal with
Extraordinary how one little trip downtown
can do to you
When you feel you are right in the center
of the universe
There is nothing beyond
Anyone of any importance is here
No ideas go anywhere if it does not first
go through
It is so well concentrated in the same area
I wonder why terrorists never thought of
launching an attack
It is where the real power is
Can I be so easily impressed?
Am I such a loser?
Weak
Impressionable
I have not learned anything, have I?
I won’t leave this place
Better work at bringing my other lover here
Let’s work it out somehow
I’m not going back
And I don’t like it
And I thought I could never fall in love
again
I
don’t want to fall in love again!
I am guilty!
I have betrayed everything that I loved!
I secretly wanted it so badly
And now that it has happened
I can’t stand it!
It is tearing me apart!
I don’t want to fall in love again!
God please help me
Make sense of it all
What is it that I fell in love with?
Is it just an idea, a concept?
Is it more profound than that?
This history of places, of people, of deaths?
Somewhere in
Having
Losing myself in the dunes, the sun, the
infinite…
Is this what I fell in love with? Tell me
Is there a cure?
Was I allowed to see too much?
Was it too soon?
Was I ready to fall in love again?
I don’t think so
Now it has happened
I have to deal with it
I have to
Somehow
I was already in love with the greatest
cutest little thing
It was called
It was my playing field
And believe me I played hard there
I am crying again, and again, and again
Everything there is to cry
The most beautiful thing ever
So sweet and so much in love with me
How could I ever trade you for anything
else?
I could never
I would prefer to die
The floodgate is opened
The tornadoes are raging
The earthquakes are comin’
I am at the dawn of a new life
I can see it emerging in front of my eyes
It is huge
It is powerful
It is far reaching
It is all I have ever hoped for
The price to pay might just be too much
It is too late now
I’m already in love
Again
Permanent Summer with Palm Trees and
Canyons
What is there not to love in the
It is always sunny
From whatever direction you look at
Sure enough you will see
Palm Trees
Mountains
Clean sidewalks
Little white houses
Purity to infinity
Innocence of a world
That has nothing to do with
My universe is of a bright white
Immaculate
Puts all your thoughts in order
Of a tranquility not found in
Suburbs of
With canyons in every directions
Huge rock face with weird flowers and cacti
After it is
Miles of sand with blue water
The Californian coast a few miles away
The heat of the sun keeps my balcony floor
warm at night
And when it rains, it is a nice little rain
My simple little life
Without any worry whatsoever
It could easily be
If I would let it be
I can tell the time by where the sun or the
moon is in the sky
Right over my head, it is noon or midnight
The shadow of the trees can also tell me
Where I am
What I am thinking
Inspiration for a lifetime
The kind of surge I get only years later
Once I have lost it all
I could never come back
It would never be the same anyway
These magical moments only exist at that
very second
After that it is gone forever
And you have to go for the adventure
To find new inspirations
If ever you can find such moments again
I am about to lose it all
I can feel it
Got to cherish those moments while they
last
They won’t last much longer
It could never be the same
It’s great when you don’t have to wait
Until you have lost it
To understand
That peaceful existence
Of a perfect moment in time
Bitch
I can’t believe you called me a pussy
When your own definition of a man being a
pussy
Is a man that acts like a woman
So you are a pussy then
And that is acceptable by your definition
Because you are a woman
And all women by your definition
Are pussies
Great!
I want to be a pussy too
And it is my right
It is not reserved for bitches like you
I won’t act the man thing for you
I won’t do what I’m supposed to do
I won’t be what society tells me to be
So if I want to be a pussy like you
I will
And you better get use to it
Bitch
I will be as pussy as I always wanted to be
As deep as I feel it necessary to be
It is not a woman thing
It is my thing
I’m pussy!
And I love it!
You bitch!
So maybe you will now have to take the
strong role
Be manly for a change
Call me after 48 hours following our first
date, why not?
You are strong
You are the woman
You’re in control now
Over the pussies that we have become
I don’t care if I have to carry that baby
Change the nappies
Stay home and enjoy life while you go to
work
And suffer those bastards
I don’t mind at all
Bitch
Be strong for a change
You’ve always worn the trousers anyway
You have always been dictating around here,
haven’t you?
Well, you might as well be called the man
of the house then
So I can be a pussy all I like
Bitch
You will never have that excuse again
You will never be a pussy in my eyes ever
again
You are stronger than I am
So start acting like it
Start acting like a man!
Like the man you are!
Don’t be a pussy anymore
And let me be a pussy for a while
And you’ll see
It will change the world
I’m a pussy!
And I’m proud of it!
And it will change the world!
My Great Shitting and Peeing Period
I don’t know about you
But when I go to the toilets
I first have a shitting period
Then I have a peeing period
And then it is all over and I feel good
again
I feel much better now
That I have shat that here
I bet these few lines have disturbed you a
bit
I guess you probably don’t feel great naked
then
Fully feeling sexual and ready to fuck all
night long
Feeling great in your own skin
That needs feeding and drinking
Taking care of
Before the wrinkles of old age
Make you ugly and disgusting
You easily forget these wonderful
Shitting and peeing periods
And then it is over
And you can feel great again
You easily forget you even shit and pee
sometimes
You are so perfect, aren’t ya?
Pure and innocent!
Must be disturbing when we think of you as on
the toilets
Having a great shit
It comes out of you, you know
It is you
It is one of the processes that make you a
human being
And that is all we are
Shitting and peeing people on the toilets
Feeling bad all the time
Until we satisfy these most basic processes
That define who we are as a species
Well, I am not hypocrite
I go to the bog
I shit and I pee and I feel better
afterwards
I am a naked person
I feel great in my skin
I feel sexual all night long
I do not deny who I am
I have no taboo like you
And hence
I have no deep psychological problem either
Stopping every great project in its track
I am getting somewhere
You are not
Because you cannot accept the fact
That you shit and pee and are sexual beings
Like every other person on the planet
And that is what defines
You
Scandalizing you?
Impossible…
God
I don’t know what to invent anymore
To scandalize you
You are made of steel
Nothing has reached you so far
How many of these texts have I written in
the last ten years?
I’ve lost count
And yet, you are still here reading this
Or are you?
Maybe why you are not scandalized yet
Is that you never read me before now
That would explain everything
And I’m still there trying
To be more extreme
Since the first time it obviously did not
work
Without understanding
That it will one day
Beyond any hope
Just need a big publicity machine
I will be branded
As the most scandalizing author ever
Without even having mentioned once the word
Pedophile
You’ve got to give me credit for that
Sometimes I think it might be the only
thing
That could really scandalize you
I won’t say it
Don’t worry
No need to go to prison just yet
Pedophile, pedophile, pedophile…
I’m just flirting with you
I am having you going there
For a while
I’m laughing at you
I’m not laughing with you
That’s for sure
I thought it was easy to scandalize you
I now understand that it is impossible
My years of writing
Have been in vain
Somehow describing to you
Me having sex with a little boy
Would not scandalize you either
It will just bring me to prison
If I can admit that I desire that
After saying this
Surely I am it
I am a pedophile
Yet you would have a hard time proving it
Do you need proof?
Perhaps not
Oh well
Let’s go to prison then
To protect your children
Against monsters like me
Fuck you!
I never had any desire for your children
They can all die peacefully in their bed
tonight
I don’t give a toss
Yeah, I guess I could be blamed
For wishing their early death
And somehow
That must feel nicer to your ears
Than if I wanted to have sex with them
So be it
I would settle for the eradication
Of all children
That’s a nice compromise
No more winging ever!
Oh my god!
What a paradise!
Perhaps we should also include all old
people
I would not mind eradicating them as well
They serve no purpose
They smell bad and are annoying with their
long gone memories
And their pension is just a drain on my
taxes
They think they know everything
They don’t even know how the computer works
Let alone DVD recorders
They know shit
And we are supposed to trust them?
No way!
Kill them all!
Are you scandalized now?
No?
Damn!
It is getting harder and harder…
I can kiss my career in politics
goodbye
I was so looking forward to it
I wanted to be Governor of California
And from there jump higher
And be second in command
Until they change the law
And take full power
I was so looking forward to it!
I had it all planned in my head
Take over
And then the world!
My motivations after all
Are the same as the actual President
I want to be rich
I want to be powerful
I want to kill everyone else
And steal their natural resources and money
You cannot deny that this is what we have
been doing for centuries now
So as I am just a normal person
There is nothing that should prevent me
from becoming President
Oops!
I was not supposed to admit to it?
I was just supposed to do it
Having all these journalists denouncing it
But yet never confirm it?
And then it would be acceptable?
Silly me
I guess I can kiss my career in politics
goodbye
Why have I not thought of that first?
So many great ideas out there
Genius lurking in every corner
More imagination than the ocean has water
It is all there for me to grab
To hear, to watch, to eat
Oh oh
Burp!
Indigestion… heart burns…
Need a Zantac again
Why have I not thought of that?
I’m supposed to be the genius here
To have written every single book
On every single subject
And yet!
That escaped me!
I did not think of it first
It is a killer
So many great ideas out there
So much imagination
Cool, perfect, genius
Why, oh why, oh why?
Have I not thought of it first?
Is it that killing job I have?
No time to think anymore?
No more inspiration?
Quick quick…
I need to come up with something
Some genius thought
I need to think of that one first
I need to think of the next great idea
There are still plenty out there
Not everything has already been thought of
I can still claim being a genius
I hope I am not too late
I hope I will find the investors to get it
out there
The marketing and PR machine to prove
That I thought of it first
And then collect my pay check
But what about everything else out there?
That I have not thought of?
I guess you were mistaken
That’s no great idea
That’s not imagination
That’s no genius
It’s nothing
Anyway
I thought of it first
Otherwise, it just does not exist
It puts me to sleep
Yawn!
Oh god, oh god, oh god…
It is not true
Where was I when they thought of that?
Dead or dying, surely
So many great ideas out there
Why have I not thought of it?
A sea of great ideas remain to be uncovered
I’ll get right on it
You can be sure
That from now on
I’ll be the one to think of that first
Whatever it is you couldn’t stand about
me
Is it the packaging?
I know, pretty cheap, got no money
But you are rich I hear?
The sell by date?
I’ve long passed my sell by date
But never mind
You are rotten to the core
My frontal bar code?
Well, I’m sure it would not work with your
mind reader
Is it my third eye?
My big mouth?
My bad teeth?
Do I have bad breath?
Oh, must be my brain
I was born deformed, I know
Compared to your perfection, that is
Is it my personality?
When I did not laugh at your boring jokes?
They put me to sleep, dear
Sorry
Is it because I’m always drunk?
Well, feel yourself lucky
To do what you ask of me
I would need to be drugged to full capacity
at all time
What is it?
Tell me! Tell me!
My lack of enthusiasm when you wanted to
enslave me?
I was sick that day
You make me sick, dear
Just for being you
Maybe this is what you could not stand
about me
That I could not stand you in the first
place
She is legendary
She is powerful
Intelligent
My imaginary girlfriend
She wants sex all the time
She begs for more
She wants to be fucked up the arse
My imaginary girlfriend
She’s filthy rich
More successful than Madonna
And pure of heart
My imaginary girlfriend
I can depend on her
I love her and she truly loves me
She even knows how to shut up
My imaginary girlfriend
She does not smoke
She does not drink
She’s certainly not a drug addict
My imaginary girlfriend
She’s not a bitch
She’s not killing me
She does not need to be shot in the head
My imaginary girlfriend
Just as well
Being so unremarkable
That my imaginary girlfriend
Is just imaginary
He remains unknown
He is weak
Dyslexic
My real boyfriend
He never wants sex
I have to beg for more
He does not want to be fucked up the arse
My real boyfriend
He’s disgustingly poor
As successful as an escargot
As dirty at heart as a worm
My real boyfriend
I cannot depend on him
I love him and he truly loves me
But he does not know how to shut up
My real boyfriend
He does smoke
He does drink
He is a drug addict
My real boyfriend
He’s a bitch
He’s killing me
He does need to be shot in the head
My real boyfriend
Just my luck
Being so remarkable
My real boyfriend
Is not imaginary
You can rape me
Violate me all you want
Shoot me in the head afterwards
I’m so beyond caring
Make me your slave
Ask me to suck your dick
Suck your brain
I’m so beyond caring
Tell me all your bullshit, I can take it
Only need to drink myself to death
afterwards
To forget that…
I’m so beyond caring
Walk all over me!
Destroy me!
Kill me!
I’m so beyond caring!
What is worse that you could ask from me?
You will think of something
I’m sure
I’m so beyond caring
One day I’ll put a stop to this
One day I’ll be the one dictating
One day I will kill you where you stand
One day…
I won’t be beyond caring
My new big venture will destroy
everything
Another big crazy idea
Just have to pursue it
Until it drains all my energy
And destroy just about
Everything else that is still standing in
my life
My new big venture!
It will revolutionize everything
Once again
Never mind that none of my other big
ventures
Never went anywhere
This time I will hit it big
It will be huge
It will change everything
By destroying
Just about
Everything else
Still standing
In my life…
I won’t stop now!
I have another big venture idea
That will change everyone’s life
For the worst
It is in the nature
Of every new big venture
Just have to be crazy enough
To sacrifice everything
Once again
For just any
New great big venture
Maybe
Just Maybe
One day
It will revolutionize everything
How and why has this reached me?
Is it possible that I am not wasting my
time?
Is it just possible that I am reaching out
To at least one of you?
Years and years
Of working so hard
To accomplish that great destiny
That I thought I was building for myself
Could it be all wasted?
Really?
How and why has this reached me then?
I bought it
I played it
It made my life more bearable for a moment
Might even had a bigger impact
My escape from reality
My dream world
Someone thought of it
Got it started
Managed to get a team around it
They all made a difference
To my l
It is now a little bit more bearable
It has reached me!
It had an impact!
It was an idea someone had
Not even a good one
By my standards
And yet
It helped me escaped my life
It means something
It means everything to me
I cannot think
For one moment
That I am wasting my time
Wasting my life
I am building something
That could potentially reach
A few of you out there
And then you can ask
How and why has this reached you?
You’ve got to let me know
If it has helped you
Escape your life
Your mental disorder
Your hell of an existence
You have to suffer every day
Then I’ll know
That it is no coincidence
Everything exists for a purpose
Every life there is
Who contributes
To alleviate my pain
Deserves to exist
You worked on this
Which had a big impact on my life
It has reached me
It meant something for a while
It was the perfect moment in time
For me to receive it
I’m grateful
And I know now
That I’m not wasting my time
Creativity serves a purpose
No matter how small a part
You play in it
For it to come to life
This has not reached me by accident
This has not reached you by accident
I’m told
I’m closer than ever
Of achieving all that I have been working for
In the last two decades
Somehow I can’t believe it
Somehow I feel it is just not true
I’ve been disappointed before
I’ve been deceived before
This time around
Is no different
How could it be?
Just because I am now living in
What are you talking about?
It makes no difference
Not to me anyway
Not to anyone else anyway
I’m not closer than ever
To achieving my dreams
If anything
I am now completely disillusioned
It won’t happen
Perhaps I lack the determination
Maybe I lack the strength
I don’t know
I’m ready to let it all die
Quietly
As if it had never existed
My achievements
My future ones as well
All dead
I’m just too tired
To even think about it
I have already accepted my failure
I’m ready to go back
To wherever it is that I come from
If one can tell me
I just forgot
Through all my endeavors
Where it is that I come from
It must not have been anywhere
Of any real significance
Or else, I would remember
Where it is that I come from
I guess that
When you reach
Nothing that came before
Still exists
I am a nobody
From nowhere
Never did anything worthwhile
And I will die as such
As quickly as possible
Would be fine by me
I’m closer than ever
Somehow just
Does not ring true
Sorry
Can I be even more metaphysical than
that?
Do you have any clue
About what it is that
I’m talking about here?
No?
That’s what I thought
Don’t worry
I have no intention
To let you know
About what it is that
I am talking about here
The more in the dark you remain
The better it is for me
If I were to tell you everything
There would be no more mystery
You would quickly say
That my life is just as identical
As yours
When really
How could it be?
You are such a loser
I’m not a loser
You’re such a wimp
I’m not a wimp
You’re so hypocrite
I’m no hypocrite
You don’t deserve to live
I don’t either
But let’s not go there
Can I be even more metaphysical than that?
Oh yes I can
As metaphysical
As it is necessary
For you
To have no clue
About what it is that I am talking about
here
What purpose would it serve anyway?
For you to be able to criticize
Destroy me in a few sentences
I don’t need that
Better be cryptic
Pretend that I am talking to God himself
About eternal stuff
The stuff that causes wars
You know what I mean
Or perhaps you don’t
Sorry
For being too metaphysical
For your poor mind
Trying to keep up
With what I’m not trying to say here
There are green fields somewhere around
here
I have noticed them before
One morning that I was desperate
For anything
To connect me
To ancient dreams I had years ago
A beach!
A long one
No deepness
Three of my cats
I dreamt about last night
Made my cry this morning
While waiting at the light
Being so disconnected with reality
My dreams
Are all that I have left
To remember my life
My past life
The one I’m crying for every day
I miss it more than I can express here
That it has to come to me in weird dreams
Green fields have been replaced
By water and castles
And my cats playing around
While I don’t pay attention
When I could take them in my arms instead
Crying
And telling them how much I love them
How much I miss them
And I know they miss me
That’s why they come to me in dreams
And yet
Even there
I take them for granted
I do not realize that it is my chance
To take them in my arms
Kiss them and tell them
How much I love them
How much I miss them
And the poor souls
Are trying to make me understand
To get my attention
It’s like I am dead
Incapable to love them as I should
I’m so selfish
I can only think of myself
Even in dreams
They are so innocent
And yet they love me
They are capable of telepathy
And all they can communicate
Is their normal cat behavior
Which is not enough to attract my attention
In my dreams
I just felt it was normal to have them
there
Running all around me
But now that I am awake
I feel I missed a great opportunity
To squeeze them in my arms
To express my infinite love for them
Which transcends any distance
Across the oceans of the world
How weird that I can love cats
More than I ever loved any human beings
This is true love
The kind I never thought existed
Because it is so pure
It is so unconditional
They must be the only things on this planet
Who would love me no matter what
Because they will never rationalize
anything
That kind of love
Can only be reciprocated
And it is simply killing me…
All right, I feel better now
I’ve plugged myself into
Type O Negative
Just the fix I needed
To get back to normal
It’s not working
No Kleenex is resistant enough
In
To contain my crisis
Nothing I ever wrote before
Makes me cry like I am now
When I read these lines again
Is it only powerful to me?
A castle over water
Tubes to get there
A view to kill for
Over the horizon
Over the ocean
And cats running on water
And tears to fill an ocean
Which I cannot explain
Is that metaphysical enough for you?
Probably not
Good, because I was not trying to be
metaphysical
My
I am disconnected
I don’t live here anymore
I live somewhere else
A perfect world
An island
A perfect one
How can I describe it?
A palace
Heights
Flying machines
A Sun
A Moon
Symbols
Problems
Which are not mine
Only beauty for me to see
To enjoy
To live through
Seeing trees
Landscapes
Other islands
The rain through the forest
An imagined history
Pure creation
Beyond any dreams
I feel it so deeply
I live there all the time
I cannot leave this place
I love this place
Such perfection
That I could never reach
In the real world
My virtual world
It has become so important
So central to my life
To my survival
How can it be?
It is virtual
It is just a dream
And yet it is so powerful
I don’t live here anymore
I guess I never did
I was always more there
Than I have ever been here
I am so confused
Did I ever exist?
Has this reality ever existed?
I’m not sure
I think I imagined it all
The real world is that island
Which I always come back to
I don’t know where I would be right now
If I never went there
I would not be where I am now
I’m sure of it
I’m so lost
I’m not sure if I really exist
I feel I can almost understand
That this is not real
My life
It cannot be
I am now on my island
In real life
It makes no sense to me
I am even rejecting it
It seems
It is only good in my dreams
Only acceptable as long as it is
unreachable
It makes no sense
Tonight I’m not here
I’m out there
I’m on my island
I feel so good
I feel warm
I feel beauty passing through myself
I am that universe
It is all me
I am one with my world
With the world
And for once
It makes sense to me
I don’t exist here
I only exist there
That’s where I have always been
More there than here
It has become my reality
The only place I can really exist
Where I can feel good about being alive
At least I have that
Not sure if anyone else has that chance
I don’t care
I realized tonight
That I have always been living
In another world
And I am pleased that I finally accepted it
Reality is something of the past
Something that never really existed
For me
There is only one place to evolve in
To contemplate
To enjoy life
My island
For the first time in my life
I am convinced that my life is not real
I can feel it
It is a joke
And I’m wondering
Why it made me suffer so much
When really it was never there in the first
place
You would think that after suffering so
much
I decided to create myself a dream world
Freud would destroy my argument in a second
But I think he missed the point
I have reached another understanding
One that he could never reach
I understand that the world is not real
It is an invention
A creation of some sort
A testing ground perhaps
But no more than that
It is no more real than my dreams
My dreams are more real now
I stand somewhere over all of this
No matter all the problems it sent my way
I just cannot believe it
I don’t buy it
It is all fake
Life is much simpler
Life is simple
And it is not what it seems
It is something else
I can see it so clearly now
Every tree, every bush
Have been placed there
For some reason
But it is a desert
It should be a desert
It should be emptiness
It is emptiness
It does not belong there
Nothing belongs anywhere
It was placed there for us
To act like if it was a real world
It is obvious to me
That it never was
And only here can I see it so clearly
It is all an illusion!
An elaborate scam!
The world does not exist!
Why do you still suffer?
There is no reason to
It was created for you to pretend
To be alive and kicking
When really
You cannot be
Nothing belongs here
You do not belong here
I don’t belong here
It is all someone else’s creation
And I refuse to be part of it
It is not mine
I have nothing to do with that obvious fake
creation
This virtual world
I want to live in the real world
The world I have not been told about
Which oversees all of this so-called
reality
I am now aware
I can feel it
I will reach the real world
I will
One billion deaths is not enough
for me
One million deaths is not enough to get me
rich
A billion would make it worthwhile
If I get a dollar for each life, that is
The true value of life on this planet
One big American dollar
It will cost the rest of the people
billions of dollars in warlike stuff
That is of no consequence to me
As long as I get my billion dollars
In return for a billion deaths
That I directly or indirectly cause
In God we trust
And don’t you forget it
Next time I drop a bomb on your head
Private Equity, our New Religion
Talk about something still worth believing
in
When just about everything else failed so
miserably
There is still a God on this planet
The only one worth believing in
It is called Private Equity
My new best friend
My new religion
Capable of pumping billions of dollars
In any worthless idea
And still bring me back billions of dollars
in return
Ohhhh, I just had an orgasm
Ahhhhh, and another one
It feels soooo good
How was I ever able to believe in any other
God before
Is the greatest of mystery
There is only one God
We all knew that
And it has finally emerged
From a world we thought was doomed
After the collapse of the Stock Exchange
market
Private Equity
Dear me
Smells so good
Tastes so good
Must be too good to be true
And yet
Nothing else on the planet
Causes so many multiple orgasms at once
No drug even comes close to Private Equity
Mmmmh, feels wonderful
I feel loooove
Real loooove
Money, money, money
That’s all I want
That’s all I get
Private Equity
My new best friend
Better than
Better than sex
My only love
Private Equity
Am I talking some sort of alien language
here?
If you think so
Then you must ultimately be
Why I love Private Equity so much
You are the end user that will make me
billions of dollars
No need for you to understand anything
about it
Just continue to do what it is that you do
best
Consume my friend
So Private Equity will still mean something
to me
Something that will save
From collapsing on itself
Funny how we always find a way out
To justify pure capitalism
To save pure capitalism
Think big!
And thank God!
For Private Equity
Our only savior
Our only God
We may still save humanity in America
Don’t lie
You have always known it
All we need is not love
All we need is money
Money is everything
It feeds your wonderful children
It saves your marriage
Which was doomed from the start anyway
It is the only thing by which you can
valorize yourself
How much are you worth?
Do you deserve to be alive?
Has your life any kind of meaning?
Only through money can we assess your
worthiness
To be alive
Money is the only thing that can bring you
to freedom
Really help you escape your miserable
existence
What we call reality
Money is the dream come true
The only dream you ever had
The only answer to all your hopes
Don’t deny it
Money is everything to you
You can never have too much
You can never feel guilty for rolling all
over it
Money is the only way to happiness
Trying to convince anyone of the opposite
Can only come from people
Who have accepted their true lack of
potential in getting it
Their unworthiness to being part of this
society
That we have painfully built for ourselves
For centuries now
Money is everything
Money is all there is
Money is your only salvation
It changes everything
It saves everything
It is the basis of all your values
Protecting your family
That little nuclear family
So ready to explode
As soon as money runs out
Say it after me
Money is everything!
Money is all I need!
Money is my only escape!
Get it
At any cost, any sacrifice
Life demands it
Your family demands it
Your existence, your values, your
worthiness
Depend on it
Do it!
Get it!
More money!
Is all you need!
Focus, concentrate, find a way
Find your true way
To the only meaningful thing there is
Money
For everyone, forever
To feel good about yourself
To create happiness all around
This dream existence you have been told
Was your only way out
The only reason why you ever existed
It all comes down to one thing
Saving the world
Making this world a happier place
Get humanity out of its eternal misery
Only one solution
Only one goal
Your only real true independence
Useless to lie
Even to yourself
Deep down you know
No need to be ashamed of it
Our whole society has been built on that one
principle
No matter what you have to do to get it
Or how you will go about it
Just keep in mind one single idea
And you will be saved
There’s nothing else in this world
Against your downfall
Learn to love it
Or else you’ll be a slave
Repeat after me
Money is everything!
Good boy, Good girl
As long as you still believe in money
We may still save humanity
In
What you qualify as my twisted mind
Is only a reflection of what you taught me
It is only the true and only consequence
Of what you truly tried to brainwash me
about
It was leading there
I don’t understand why you feel this is not
true
What did you expect?
Was it not what you wanted me to do?
To truly really do?
Is competition not the extermination of any
threat to my being?
Is succeeding not preventing others from
taking my place?
Is becoming rich and powerful
Not mean everyone else being a slave to my
own desires?
If I am to control everything
Surely it means that no one else should
have any freedom
If I am to lead the life I am expecting to
lead
Then no one else can live in this world
What you qualify now as my twisted mind
Is your own twisted mind you did not
realize you had
You were just too blind to see it
It is too late now
I will make all your dreams come true
And I will not get the blame
You will get just what you deserve
I assure you
What you taught me
It was leading there
To the extinction of humanity
Hail to the bugs, the true leaders of
this world
By bugs
You probably thought I was referring to our
politicians
But I was in fact talking about the true
leaders of this world
Something much more powerful than any of us
Real bugs
We are at war
And we are losing it
It’s time we acknowledge our defeat
And consider them as our true leaders
Bugs have taken over the world
They inhabit us
We are still unable to kill them
They spread from one host to the other
We have become their home
It kills us
And then they move on to someone else
Until none of us will remain
To even support their existence
They don’t seem to mind
Not hard to understand
We have been following the same pattern
Multiplying until the Earth can no longer
sustain any of us
But that was not the real worry
We will all be dead by the time the earth
becomes unlivable
The bugs are winning the war
And we have not even declared that we were
at war
Because we feel they are not really threatening
Until they actually reach either us directly
Or someone we personally love
Won’t be too long now
Soon we will all be infected
They’re winning the war
They mutate much faster than we could hope
to mutate ourselves
And they don’t even need to practice DNA
re-sequencing
They move at a much higher time rate than
us
They’ve gone through millions of generations
Of permutations
Of mutations
While we were still debating what should be
legal or illegal
Hail to the bugs
The next and only humanity
Perhaps they will find a way not to kill
each other
And finally get out of the solar system
Something it seems we were never going to
achieve anyway
What a pity
There is no greatness to speak of here
About humanity
After all
Perhaps we were not really worth it
It took so long anyway to understand
anything
We only produced two geniuses
And it took us hundreds of years
To finally understand
That they were completely wrong
Ultimately we produced no geniuses at all
It was all an illusion
The history of humanity is a sad one indeed
Plagued with stupidity
While we were praising our intelligence and
greatness
Perhaps the bugs
In their own time frame
Will go further than we could ever achieve
The bugs, our only true legacy
May they be the ones finally getting out of
the solar system
To continue humanity’s legacy to the stars
The only species with any real future
The only species capable of surviving any
Life Extinction Event
Hail to the bugs!
The true leaders of this world!
Awareness in
Have I gone everywhere in this world
Enjoy my own little awareness once in a
while
Alone yet in another hotel room
Wondering about my own individuality
In a sea of billions
How insignificant I can be
Wondering if I can make any difference
And if it is at all important
If I do or not
Maybe there was never any meaning to it
Just a fact that needs to be accepted
We are six billions
I am one
I am aware that I exist
I have my own individuality
Should enjoy it
Go for a walk
Look at the sea in the Bay
Look at the constructions
The bridge
Another symbol of our so-called greatness
The
Of artificial intelligence
Wonder if it has any awareness
Individuality in a world of multiplication
Of the same, over and over again
That one voice
At this point
Cannot make any difference
Indulging
Fighting
Surviving
Still have that chance to see more
Explore more than the next one
Reach
See that bridge for myself
And wonder
In my awareness
What it all means
If anything
We’ve built a valley of silicon
Like we grew a valley of wine trees
Can artificial intelligence get drunk?
Can it wonder about its existence?
Can it have awareness?
And would my life be better
Without that awareness?
Mindless existence
I’m in
And that’s all there is to it
Just go to the sea
Just look at it
Do not think
It is only painful
There is no answer here
To all these questions
Why torture ourselves
Why invent philosophy?
Can I just live for a change?
Forget my individuality?
My awareness?
This intelligence which serves no real
purpose
To my own happiness?
Can I not just enjoy being alive?
Without having to put back everything
In its own context?
Can I not just for once
Be in
And not be aware of it?
Of anything?
As a meaningless fact
I’m here now
Let’s just enjoy it?
Without throwing me into thinking mode
Of self doubt
That this world could actually be real
Meaningful
With some sort of great purpose
That we just can’t figure out?
I’m sorry
I cannot accept that it is about love and
reproduction
Multiplication of more useless existence
Who will one day end up in
And wonder
Why it is that they are alive
When they see that bridge
In wonder
To what symbol we were able to construct
To give a reason, a meaning
To something that has none
Awareness is perhaps not that magical
A bit of programming could simulate that
Individuality is perhaps just an illusion
We are all thinking the same
We are all the same
We are one
This feeling of individuality
This feeling of awareness
It’s programmed on that carbon chip
Which is my brain
I guess God never knew about
miniaturization
Might have been the lack of competition