Letters
to Mycroft
By
Life is very simple. You discover some blogs on the Internet. You find out that your favorite actor is blogging. You
decide to send him blogs that he will probably never
read. And then you decide to start blogging yourself.
So here it is, RM's Blogs,
Letters to Mycroft (not his real name, of course, but I think you can easily
guess). Though all my blogs have been sent to him,
there's no guarantee he has ever read them or ever will.
De :
Envoyé : 23 juin,
2004 01:54
À : Mycroft
Objet : working on a film script
together
Dear Mycroft,
Sorry,
I tried to send this encrypted, and even though I am quite knowledgeable with
computers, the GNUPG website is just like an incomprehensible nightmare. The
install file does not have an extension and cannot be run, I guess you are
working on a Mac instead of a PC, and that application is a Mac thing.
I know
you will read this, but how do I know you won’t put it in a folder and never
answer it (like I usually do because I too receive a lot of emails)?
Why am
I contacting you tonight? Because you’re one of my favorite actors? Because I care
for you? Yes, this is true, but there’s more.
I
stumbled upon a website of actors who have their own websites. I went to see
two websites only, yours included.
There
was nothing interesting on the first website but, gosh, I wasn’t prepared for
your website!
I’ve
met my double, who would have thought? For the last 3 days I have been reading
your website. I was born in 1972, just like you, and I love The Cure and Depeche Mode, just like you (but I don’t like Led Zeppelin,
God knows where you picked that one from, as it is not your generation).
I am
also a struggling writer, but only because I write in French. We write very
similar things, our life. I have 5 books already published in France, and a
sixth one this autumn. Like you I’m getting popular, even though, as you may
suspect, the French market does not bring you money. But I enjoy my life as a
writer that is becoming successful and recognized in the French countries (I am
French-Canadian from
I am
also like you because I have a link to
At the
moment I am where you have been for many years. Trying to prove to my parents
that I have the potential to get somewhere in
Valmont
is one of my favorite films, along with Dangerous
Liaisons. I have read the book many times, even wrote my Masters Degree thesis
on it. The guy from ET was in it instead of you. What do I think about that?
Well, as you are familiar with different timelines, I believe there must be
some parallel universe out there where you were in this film and that I adored
you in it. But I like things the way they are, we cannot tell how everything
would have turned out in those parallel universes. I would have not known you
as well for being in Valmont that I know you know because you stayed a bit
longer in the series. I was sad when you left, but you stayed long enough and
you were brought back in my best ever episodes. What I liked most was that you
were just a kid piloting the flagship of the fleet. The captain trusted you so
much that, even in the most critical situations, you were there at the helm. A
kid with a very high IQ, it makes you dream.
You
became for me what I could have been, what perhaps I should have been but never
did, because of a lack of recognition. But who needs it anyway to get
somewhere, if you have the determination and believe in your dreams. You just
work hard and you eventually get there.
I saw
you in three other films. You were great in all three films. The first one of
course, is a classic film like the Godfather. The second was enjoyable and you
were good in it (you saved the film really), even though I feel it must have
suffered from a lack of budget and someone in charge of photography, and a good
writer. And the third one, probably one of your best roles.
You were a cute kid, and even though I am gay, I recognized you not as a cute
kid, but as a wonderful actor and role model for someone my age.
You
were lucky or you were very talented to have such a line up on the imdb. I am 31 years old, just like you, but I don’t feel
like living in the past, I can only look up to the future, as if my success and
big break was to come. I see no reason why you should not think the same way.
31 is very young, most people our age are only
starting up in life, they are looking at the future and think: I’m going to
make it, it’s finally going to happen. And your busy past just gives you a good
start, you are already one step ahead of everyone.
Even though, just like us, you still have to prove that you are worth
something, that you are excellent. Which is a bit ridiculous,
I know, because you have proven that, not once, but 10 times before.
This
said, you don’t look like you used to. Don’t get me
wrong, you look great, but you’re not that little kid anymore that was perfect
for these films where they needed someone that young capable of actually acting
like a great actor. I have many script ideas on my website, and many other
projects I worked on (including one still in development with many known actors
like Al Pacino, Johnny Depp,
Madonna, Angelica Huston, and yes even Ashley Judd). But I can’t see how you
would fit in any of these movies or projects. It made me ask why.
You
look like my cousin, someone who is down to earth, like any neighbor.
A baby face, just like mine and my cousin, even
although we are only 31. I wanted to picture what role I would see you in. I
thought that perhaps you had an idea for a script, that I could write it and we
would take it from there. I’m well connected at the moment, I am not certain
how long it will last, even though I feel they recognize my potential and I
might go far. They are always thinking about these known actors when I always
keep coming back to the ones I know are great. If I do make it in that
business, I will certainly always think of you. Oh yes, you were memorable in
that episode of another series, I forgot.
If you
look like a normal person, perhaps something fantastic should happen to you,
like in a Ray Bradbury story or a Twilight Zone episode. Or perhaps you have
some ideas of what you feel you would like to be in a film. You were associated
with these films where you were just a kid dealing with adult problems. Funny,
your life story at the moment appears interesting enough, step kids, father suing you… not sure if that could do a great
script. But it needs to be human, with something fantastic attached to it?
Emotional distress, wanting something you cannot have… I’m thinking.
Please
help me and let’s see if we can work together, because I feel you could be a
great inspiration. Sad you can’t read French, you
would see how similar we are, especially in what we write. I have some stuff in
English you can read, quite a big website in fact, though it’s nothing like the
French one. We are similar because we speak our mind. That’s not all. We don’t
care about the repercussions on our professional life. And the world needs
people like that, not afraid of the consequences of speaking their mind. Go for
it, I always did, and I never regretted it.
I hate
Bush, even though I did not read much about it and I don’t talk that much about
it (I have a script idea called Kill that President, and if I ever write it,
it’s going to be an anti-Bush stand). I don’t feel concerned because I am not
American. I kind of feel he is my President too, in charge of the world.
Everything I read about what you said against him, I agree with. You’re very wise,
intelligent, you have the skills of an editorialist of
a respectable newspaper. You could be a journalist if you wanted to, me too,
but I guess it would be wasting our talents. We can still talk about it
indirectly in our art. Perhaps that should inspire us in our writings. Maybe
you should look at that idea Kill that President, there is already a production
company interested in it. At the moment it is described as a play and the hero
is a woman, but we could change it to a film and write it for you:
Library from the Future or Kill that
President
Film or Play (one man show)
A woman has been asked to investigate a strange phenomenon, books from the future are being shipped into the
past for an unknown reason. While trying to figure the how and why, she will
find a book stating that the next President of the United States will become a
kind of Hitler and she will presume that she needs to prevent his ascension.
Little she knows as doing so and succeeding she helps destroying the world.
Well,
I spoke more than I thought I would. There was only one point to this e-mail,
to get you to visit my website, to charm you and get you to contact me
afterwards. I wish to work with you on something interesting, a film script
that would be to your liking, something that is close to your heart. And
somehow I feel it will be close to mine. We should not wait after others, we should work towards a goal and make it happen
ourselves.
I like
you and I hope we can start a conversation.
Regards,
44E The Grove, Isleworth, Middx,
Tel:
+44 20 8847 5586
http://www.crownedanarchist.com
De :
Envoyé : 27 juin,
2004 06:34
À : Mycroft
Objet : Nethack
is nothing compared with Dungeon Master Java (also free)
Hi Mycroft,
I’m
not expecting an answer from you, and that’s cool.
So
I’ve decided to keep writing in the hope that one day you will contact me or
that I will contact you via your agent for a role (I suspect you might then
contact me) (and that’s cool).
As for
Dungeon and Dragons, I have to say that I am not that fascinated by this
universe as much as my cousins in Québec (I live in
http://www2.cs.pitt.edu/~alandale/dmjava/
Contact
me if you have any trouble installing it. You need to install Java first (there
will be links on the websites).
I read
the story about the Canadian shipped to
I also
read that you have done some work for another TV channel. Funny because I wrote
three treatments for them for television series, and in July we will find out
more about if they want to buy them or not. Please keep that for yourself (I
don’t want to get into trouble) but one series that is very promising, and they
said it was the best thing they read, is called Girls Spies: 8 women
super-agents (sexy) coordinated by one nerd/geek that really should be you. I
certainly will mention it to them when the time comes (although we’re not sure
if it will be animation or real actors). The other TV series ideas are on my
website (I’m not sure if X read them yet as X said they may wait July to show
those two ideas to Mr. X):
The
Virtual Universe and First Planet.
I
think you would be particularly interested in the Virtual Universe, which is
about the Game World (a holodeck really), or the race
to create the perfect virtual game world. I would see you as the Programmer (or
God) of the virtual universe.
OOPS!
I just read “Why I Quit the Network”. I guess you won’t be interested in any of
my projects. I can’t find the year you quit the TV channel, I thought the series
you were on was on recently (or is it all dead as well?). Never mind, though
now I’m a bit worried about getting involved with these people. I wouldn’t want
to be writing a whole series for some bastards, perhaps I won’t deal with the
same people? We’ll see.
I
can’t tell you how refreshing it is to have someone speaking his mind like you.
It cost you a lot, but it certainly opens the eyes of everyone around. The TV
business in the
You
would never imagine how many times I have been threatened with a law suit for
barely mentioning anything on my websites. I have learnt my lesson well, there
is nothing now on my websites that has not been written by me, I always ask
permissions if it is not the case, and I never mention anyone or any company.
I’m glad you do, and I’m pleased you can get away with it. I wish I could too,
but this world has gone mad. I wrote a simple article about a musician from
Québec that I met. I wrote exactly what he told me, and I was getting sued for
slander! I wrote a tone down version of the article (I cut 2/3 of it) and I
never heard from their lawyers again. Even though it was the truth, they were
ready to fight me.
I even
put some links to a book on my website with a small excerpt from the book, and
they too wanted to sue me despite the fact that there was a direct link to Amazon
for that book, encouraging people to buy it. They wanted £100 a year from me to
keep the excerpt online on my website. I told them to fuck off. And now, I have
some other large excerpts from books by Michio Kaku and Lawrence M. Krauss in my Sci-Fi
Reports (about the science bits), and I’m living in fear that I will get a
call from their lawyers pretty soon. But I’m waiting before taking it out,
because their excerpts are essential to the reports.
As for
why some people hate you, before reaching your website, I never knew anything
about it. I was shocked, I called myself a fan and saw the series at least 100
times, and yet, I never knew some people could have disliked your character in the
series. It does not make any sense to me, because you were so great in
everything you did (and I saw the photos of one of your films, which are just
incredible!). You’re such a lovely character, it never
occurred to me that someone could hate you. People can be so cruel,
I suffered myself when I was young. Of course, it was never that public. Which is just to show, really, that everyone on this planet knows
you! It must mean something, you know. In French, there are no websites talking
and criticising like in English. After 5 books published, it is still very hard
to find anyone willing to talk about me on the Net other than just the general
descriptions of the books that are generally on the cover anyway. At least
everyone knows you, it’s great!
I have
to admit though, reading everything you linked to from your blogs,
I would have committed suicide by now if I had read 10% of that crap about me.
I could have never lived with so much cruelty and negative feedback about my
work. It’s true though that I am suffering from a permanent existential crisis
(even though I have no reason for this and I can’t explain it). The fact that
you are still alive, that you confront all this, and do so now in such a public
way with your website and your books, and that you can wake up in the morning
happy with your family despite all that, is a testament to how strong you are
and that no one or nothing will ever bring you down. You will resurface as a
great actor in the future with great talent, I know, because you will never
stop going forward.
That’s
it for my personal Blog to Mycroft for tonight. Sleep well.
(Let’s
have a Black Celebration, tonight…)
Regards,
44E The Grove, Isleworth, Middx,
Tel:
+44 20 8847 5586
http://www.crownedanarchist.com
De :
Envoyé : 28 juin, 2004 03:37
À : Mycroft
Objet : Blog 3 -
Hi Mycroft,
Here
is my Blog number 3, personal Blog to Mycroft.
I went
to bed at 7 am in the morning last night, reading your damn blogs
and sending you Blog number 2.
I have
decided to start my own blog, and it will be called Letters to Mycroft. I don’t
care if you don’t agree, sue me. Since you have not threatened anyone talking
shit about you, I doubt you will sue me. I have decided to be frank in there, like
you. I don’t give a fuck if it costs me some jobs, just like you. I guess you
have inspired me… great! No one inspires me anymore…
When I
went to bed last morning, I felt like committing suicide. And then, I wondered
why.
Is it
because I don’t have any more money and my bills won’t pass starting Monday? Is
it because I can’t see how the film scripts I worked on will suddenly be sold
and bring me money instantly? Or is it more likely because my boyfriend was
going to be in a crisis state once I woke up at around 3 pm?
I’m
not sure how your wife succeeded in tolerating you while you were, according to
her, tossing around all day. While you pretended searching for some work, when
she could only think you were wasting your time and be a dreamer. I wonder why
my boyfriend has not just kicked me out of his flat yet, leaving me alone and
naked on the streets of
My
only solution to survive July, it is to move to
Wouldn’t
it be stupid to commit suicide when two months later I could have succeeded?
Suddenly the 7 projects I worked on, all sold, and getting a massive pay check
from basically God, and be doing what I love: write,
write, write? As we don’t know what the future has on hold for us, it’s not
easy. Sometimes I feel the only way out is to kill myself. At that point, I
don’t even give a damn if I was going to succeed. It doesn’t matter anymore. It
would solve all my problems. And the saddest thing is that I would kill myself
because of a question of money.
I read
in the newspapers in
I wish
I’d learn about that beforehand. I would have never refused that conference job
that offered me £30,000 a year plus bonus. Over that I declared war over my family, they refused to help me financially until I could
survive on my own writing for
I just
stopped listening to Louder than Bombs of The Smiths, I think it was going to
expedite my way out of this world. I put on some CD of the Moody Blues instead,
In Search of the Lost Chord. My father used to listen to that in 1978, when I
was 6 years old. Every Saturday morning. Like a
disease, it was communicated to me. One day I woke up in
Sometimes
it reminds me why I am living in
I live
in
Oh
dear, I’m listening to The Best Way to Travel of the Moody Blues. Another song that is actually on my website because it is the
perfect song explaining my weird theories of the universe. I live in
fear that the Moody Blues eventually will find out and send me some sort of
bullshit letter telling me to take it out. Who cares anyway? I don’t give a
shit anymore.
I’m drinking
My
dear Mycroft, you are now just a mean to something. A mean to
my own blog. Why do I care about you? Good question. I don’t know. Like
you said, I must be identifying myself to what you suffered over the years. Even though you’re finally escaping all this with the success of
your books, while I’m still stuck right here. It’s nice to think that if
it has happen to you, it might happen to me. And it could, believe it or not.
God knows what the French market can bring, I could
become some sort of a legend. Even though so far I know it cannot bring any
money.
Funny
that I feel I have the potential to make it, whatever it is that I wish to make
it in. I know I will succeed. That has always been my main motivation. But what
if I can’t make it, if I don’t succeed? This is where the problem begins. If I
can’t write for a living, life is not worth living. But when do I decide that I
won’t make it? That I won’t succeed? That’s the hardest part.
In the
meantime I just continue to make all these sacrifices that are alienating my
family and my friends. I don’t think you have an answer to that,
you too are struggling with the same questions. Thankfully you have a wife that
you love and step kids that depend on you… it is
easier for you. I don’t have that. I only have a winging boyfriend that
complains all the time that I’m not getting anywhere fast in this business. And
therefore it did not warrant that many sacrifices. I’ve decided recently that I
either succeed in
(And
the Tide Rushes in… Moody Blues, Question of Balance, favourite song of my
dad.)
Regards,
44E The Grove, Isleworth, Middx,
Tel:
+44 20 8847 5586
http://www.crownedanarchist.com
De :
Envoyé : 30 août,
2004 02:25
À : Mycroft
Cc : 'rm@themarginal.com'
Objet : Blog 4 - Personal Blog to Mycroft -
Hi Mycroft,
Here
is my Blog number 4, personal Blog to Mycroft .
It has
been a while since I sent you a blog. I guess not having any answer from you sort
of de-motivated me, but the thought that you may actually be reading it some
day is a motivation. I am less depressed than last time I wrote to you, which
is good news. Though I don’t really have any reason to be
less depressed. I still haven’t found a job (any kind of job, even
waiter) and my boyfriend continues to pay for me though it is the source of
many crises that are becoming more and more unbearable. I even thought of
moving back to Québec. If I don’t find a job soon, I can kiss my 10 years
relationship goodbye.
I even
had an interview at the BBC, to work on one of their websites for professional
writers linked to the BBC. I applied to over 30 positions at the BBC and could
only get that one interview. I screwed up completely, they have this
extraordinary way to put you on the spot and ask questions impossible to
answer. Like, what did you do to prepare for this interview, what are the
websites you visit at the moment… and there and then, I could only think of
mentioning your website. The guy who was frying me was quite impressed though,
and told me he actually enjoys your website. Perhaps this was the only
highlight of my interview with the BBC, but in the end I did not get the job. Which is a bit sad because I’m pretty certain I could have done
something great for them, I’m usually excellent at any job I do.
Today
I watched you on TV in one episode, where you got mom stuck into a warp bubble. I guess
I did
not hear anything from X Films, none of the film scripts I wrote for them or
the treatments appear to be sold. These things might take time, but as my contact
is ignoring me now and does not answer my e-mails, I take it she is too
embarrassed to give me bad news or she has finished squeezing the juice out of
me and she is now sucking the blood of another screenwriter hoping to make it
in
A
French-Canadian in
I had
to create myself a new website which does not have the word Anarchist anywhere
on it because I could not mention my website to any employers from fears of
frightening them. It is called The Marginal (http://www.themarginal.com), and it
contains all my screenplays, reports and articles, but nothing personal. I’m
sure my Crowned Anarchist Literature title prevented many producers and
directors from reading my screenplays in the first place, even though I am not
an anarchist and will never be one. Stupid idea to pick up
that title from a French book that I liked. Almost
mortgaged my future. Unfortunately I built my new website after my
interview with the BBC, so they might have thought I was going to bring chaos
into their little universe. I have to say, I loved going to their offices that
are pretty close to where I live, it is very impressive and I would love to
work there. Everyone looks very peaceful, like if it was a requirement to work
there. I guess I just did not fit the profile as I am a bit enthusiastic, even
though I was more like a zombie at the interview.
I made
a huge mistake the other day that I’m pretty certain made me feel like when you
were being destroyed by these fans that did not like your character. I posted
one simple message on the website Wordplay featuring the blogs
of well known screenplay writers Terry Rossio and
Ted. Somehow I managed to turn everyone against me and they all visited my
website to tell me afterwards that I was wasting my time and that I was lying
somehow. It was terrible, they were very destructive, they
certainly have a lot of imagination, the bastards, to misread everything I
wrote. And I was so stupid, I did not know these people were known or that this
duo actually wrote films like Pirates of the
My poetry in English that was on my website freaked out an agency
recently. The woman told me bluntly that she thought of
cancelling my interview after reading my poetry on my website (in English)
called The Anarchist. She thought I was a miserable person about to commit
suicide, which is pretty much the opposite (unless I am very drunk and
depressed, and most of my Anarchist series was written while I was in that
state). That’s why I decided to open that new website The Marginal. I can’t
even let people read my poetry! I remember that at the time, I almost lost a
job in conferences because they found out that I had a website talking about
anarchy. They found it because some of my conference titles were on it (oh my,
our great and serious company linked to an anarchist website!). They gave me 2
hours to close my website or they were sacking me and suing me. I told them I
was going to take out any links to the company, but that I was not going to
close down my website for them…
Tomorrow
I’m going to
We’ve
been together for 10 years now and he has a serious drug addiction. Somehow he
can live normally in society (apart from that time where I found him dead from
an overdose on the bathroom floor), but he can sometimes be out of control and
crazy. I wish sometimes I could leave him, but I love him and immigration is not
an easy thing. Leaving him would mean I have to leave
I
survived the last few months from the kindness of a woman living in
All
these sacrifices for the joy of writing, something that everyone denounced
saying that I am a lazy bastard who just wants to toss around. Having written
20 books and a dozen screenplays does not count, I’m a
cow because it does not bring any money. Perhaps one day I will prove them
wrong (hopefully). Not everyone has Madonna’s story of arriving in
When I
was cute enough and had many sugar daddies buzzing around, I never ever gave it
up and chose the easy way. Today I think I should have slept with them all,
today I would be celebrating something other than the publication of a book
that will sell only 3,000 copies in the next few months before being declared
dead and not being reprinted.
Oh
well, I don’t regret anything I have ever done or not done, that’s a plus. We
must be following some sort of destiny designed to teach us certain things,
even though they are not quite clear, though they sometimes become clear when
we write about it.
I have
many fans you know, they write to me and it is quite nice. Of course, it is
nothing like your fan base… but it is quite an achievement for someone like me
who is not known and was not part of all these movies and television series.
Some very important people in the French countries have heard of me, appreciate
me, and say they will write articles, though it takes time. I can appreciate
all that, though I have to say that I’m not that impressed. I feel I had the
potential to go much further, still I have to be happy
with these small achievements. If I did not believe in myself, I would never
have written so many books, I would have abandon years ago without giving it a
second thought.
I have
to say that I am very pretentious though I don’t want to. I can be like you and
be happy even for one single great comment received from someone lost somewhere
on the planet, yet I wish I could reach globally millions of people. In French
it is just not possible, or is it? Many articles have been written in
At
least in the gay world I am pretty well known everywhere, in
Yes, I
am pretentious, I believe I will one day crack it and become famous worldwide.
I don’t know why I think so as it certainly appears impossible. Do you feel
like that sometimes? Be honest. It is a bit different for you as you did reach
the top of the world and, somehow, you are still at the top because you are so
well known from everyone everywhere (probably even in
I am
not that bothered really because I know it is coming, even though it might take
me another few years. Something somewhere at some point will happen, I’m sure,
because I’m not the giving up type (even if for one moment on Terry Rossio’s website, this is what those bastards thought,
including Rossio himself who told me to give it all
up… I will prove him wrong, that’s all I can say).
The
more I watch you on TV, the more I feel I have misjudged you. I believe you
truly have talent and you were great on the series. It proves that you could be
great in any film because you can act in a way that looks very professional.
I’m sure you know what I mean, just look at a cheap film with average actors,
and you immediately understand that you are something else,
you belong to the big league.
It is
quite extraordinary that I could be writing to you, even though I am not
certain if you are reading this… it has created a bond between you and I in any case. I am so excited now when you are on TV, when
I just happen to turn on the TV on a Saturday afternoon. I feel somehow that it
is me that is out there, being judged and who has to act. Because I feel close
to you, I feel for you, I want you to succeed (almost more than I wish to
succeed), so I see myself through you. And you never disappoint me, you are
always excellent. It kills me too. Because then it becomes incomprehensible
that such talent cannot be recognised and you are not right now in the big
movies out there. All right, it is coming back, soon you will be out there,
still, how could you have struggled like that for so many years? Well, to be
honest I am not that surprised. For everything you get, for every book you
publish, for every job you get, a miracle is required. Thousands of people are
trying their luck, dozens have some clear advantage, but somehow once in while
it happens, you finally get the job.
Talking
to you right now, reaching out, almost make me feel stupid for applying for
these stupid jobs in
Perhaps
I identify too much with you, when in fact we may have nothing in common. Other
than your life story for which I got too close. I know the story,
I have total strangers who read A French-Canadian in
You
know, your series DVDs are being dubbed in French and German, which means that
in
Well,
it is 2h30 in the morning and tomorrow I have to drive to
Thanks,
Regards,
44E The Grove, Isleworth, Middx,
Tel:
+44 20 8847 5586
http://www.crownedanarchist.com
De :
Envoyé : 6 septembre, 2004 14:16
À : Mycroft
Cc : 'rm@themarginal.com'
Objet : Blog 5 - Personal Blog to Mycroft -
Hello Mycroft,
Here
is my Blog number 5, personal Blog to Mycroft .
Yesterday
I bought your book in Borders in
Well,
I feel reading your book is a good motivation for me. It helps me with my
self-doubts, it tells me I can hope for a better future, it even teaches me how
to write (even though I have written so much already). I’m learning with you
some tricks to make the story better. Like when that waitress came to ask you
if you used to be an actor. I don’t remember reading such a build up in your
blog, just when she was about to say something and you thought she was about to
ask you on a date). I thought it was cool (I am even picking up your own
expressions).