Book of Songs

 

The best of my dark poetry

 

 

 

 

By

 

 

 

 

Roland Michel Tremblay

 

 

www.themarginal.com

rm@themarginal.com

 

44E The Grove, Isleworth, Middx, London, TW7 4JF, UK

Tel: +44 (0)20 8847 5586

 

 

 

 

Preface

 

This is the best of my dark poetry, six books in all, written during the last 15 years. This book of songs was put together at the request of a musician friend of mine who was looking for songs. I thought, I may as well put it online and see if others are interested.

 

There are two sections, the normal songs which could be adapted into any style, and the rap/heavy metal section. That last section does not mean that the songs really need to be rap or heavy metal songs, however they appear to be better spoken than sang, or they are a bit more extreme, in the spirit of rap/heavy metal songs.

 

If you are interested in turning these into songs, even modify them for your needs, and perhaps recycle many good lines from different songs to make new ones, please contact me and we will come to an arrangement.

 

Though this is copyrighted work, you can distribute them around for free with my name and contact details on them, and even put them online elsewhere as long as you link them to my website. If you turn them into songs, I will then have to be recognized as the author, or co-author if you wish to modify or add to them.

 

 

 

Summary

 

 

Part 1 Ė Any Style Songs

 

It always comes back to that, isnít it?

Reaching an L.A. Crisis

My new big venture will destroy everything

My Imaginary Girlfriend

Are You Still My Friend?

Ready to Explode

Freedom

Poetry to Galvanise a Whole Generation

Our Terrible Sentence

Genesis

They all killed in your name

Living in Infinity

Life Isnít Life

I Donít Remember

Make a Difference

God my darling

I am out of this world

Presque vu (Almost Seen)

The well of wishful thinking

I am Saint Karen from New York

Stuck in a Time Loop

God forbid

There is no Point

Thatís it, I had enough

Never been so low

Towards the Green Fields

I am going to heaven

Death Valley

Inner Peace

The New Age

To Hell with Conformism

I want to cry

Sold to Other Peopleís Ideas

A Swamp Full of Tadpoles

Go ahead with your dreaming

Being stopped by love

I'm Useless

No Way Out

When I was a little boy

Remaining true to oneself

Get inspired, if you can

Iím not proud

In Between Days

I donít want to fall in love again!

Permanent Summer with Palm Trees and Canyons

Whatever it is you couldnít stand about me

My Island

Los Angeles does not really exist

The extinction of humanity

Hail to the bugs, the true leaders of this world

My attempt to find happiness

Beyond that Californian Mountain

Where am I?

I thought you were dead

Tomorrow will be such a great day all over L.A.!

Sweet Chinese Girl

Iím Unstoppable!

Power is nothing

I cannot be trusted, I will fail every time

Completely screwed up

Thereís no end to it

Tonight I am alive!

I Shall be Free!

There is still hope for me

I have lived! And now I can dieÖ

Being Nothing

My Mea Culpa

Throw Me Away After Use

Step Into My Hell

Flee, Flee, Flee!

Iím Going to Shoot Myself

I Go from One Extreme to the Other

From the Moment When . . .

Love is Sweet

Something Philosophical

Thereís Nothing Worse Than People With Principles

You Lied

If I Were God

The British Dream

The American Dream

Iím Ugly

The Power of Words

Oh Gloria, If You Hadnít Loved Cider So Much . . .

Virtual Sheep, My Only Love!

Letter From Prison

Death

Illumination

Madness

Alone in the World

Craziness

Head in the Clouds?

I Should be Dead

Iím Your Slave

Life and I are Incompatible

To Die in Peace

Dear God, Let Me Be Done With It

Come On, Damn It, Iíve Got a Life to Live

Life

 

 

 

 

Part 2 Ė Rap/Heavy Metal Songs (more extreme)

 

 

We may still save humanity in America

Awareness in San Francisco

My Rough Edges

This is a Declaration of War

You can rape me all you want

The World is filled with Backstabbers

Theyíve been testing me, like a rat!

Youíre not so cool after all

Whatís Your First Name Again?

A Gun at Your Head

Have you lost Faith in Destiny?

Drowning in my sorrows

Oh please let me be happy again!

I never felt so powerful!

Everyone needs to start somewhere

History has got nothing to do with you

Guilty!

Dear God

Child Suicide

Study your symbolism, for godís sake!

Desperate for a gun in America

Let me buy you out just to shut you up

The Mormonís Disney Land in Utah

Notice of Resignation, The Perfect Sample Letter

Propaganda

Frontline Terrorism

A Serious Problem with Authority

Iím Going to Find Myself a Whore

Iím Your Inflatable Virgin Mary

Alien Nation

I Know the Name of God

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 1 Ė Any Style Songs

 

 

 

It always comes back to that, isnít it?

 

(chorus:)

It always comes back to that, isnít it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

Iíve seen it cominí

I always do

 

What is it this time?

What is this big secret which will again

Devastate me?

Irretrievably change my life

To keep me exactly where I am now

Where weíve always been?

 

It always comes back to that, isnít it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

Iíve seen it cominí

I always do

 

Oh please!

Can we live this life without anymore downfalls?

Is it not possible to live a life

Of total inaction?

All you need is one day

To destroy it all

When all we have ever been able to reach

Is the bottom of the ocean

Deeper and deeper

 

It always comes back to that, isnít it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

Iíve seen it cominí

I always do

 

No matter how hard you try

To reach some sort of happiness

Just for a while

It can never last

You get right back to square one

Always

 

It always comes back to that, isnít it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

Iíve seen it cominí

I always do

 

Another disaster

Another crisis

Some suffering

A lot of crying

Once again completely lost

Alone in the world

With great unexplored vastness in front of our eyes

Wishing we could fly and reach it all

Discover a new horizon

Less horrible than the precedent

As a law of nature

We can only find

Worse

 

It always comes back to that, isnít it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

Iíve seen it cominí

I always do

 

It always comes back to that, isnít it?

Yes, it always comes back to that

It always comes back to that, isnít it?

Yes, it always comes back to that

 

Thereís no way out for people like usÖ

Thereís no way out for people like usÖ

Thereís no way out for people like us.

 

Summary

 

 

Reaching an L.A. Crisis

 

Los Angeles

Crisis Mode

Panic Attack

Here we are

The End of Days

Just like in the movies

It was all true after all

I canít think anymore!

I canít breathe anymore!

Iíve reached another

L.A. Crisis

 

California

Crisis Mode

Panic Attack

Right here on Hollywood Boulevard

Dying on the street in Burbank

How was that a surprise?

They were all born here

They all died here

The legends

Drunk to full capacity

Drugged to full capacity

This is where

Hollywood drove them all

Over the cliff

 

Hollywood

Crisis Mode

Panic Attack

The End of Days

For me to discover now

To understand

To assimilate

To digest

The enormity of it

The enormity of it all

I will accept my destiny

I will go through it all

I will live through hell

But

I will survive

My L.A. Crisis

 

Summary

 

 

My new big venture will destroy everything

 

(chorus 1:)

This time I will hit it big

Yes I will

 

Another big crazy idea

Just have to pursue it

Until it drains all my energy

And destroy just about

Everything else that is still standing in my life

 

My new big venture!

It will revolutionize everything

Once again

Never mind that none of my other big ventures

Never went anywhere

 

(chorus 2:)

Maybe

Just Maybe

One day

It will revolutionize everything

 

It will be huge

It will change everything

By destroying

Just about

Everything else

Still standing

In my lifeÖ

 

Maybe

Just Maybe

One day

It will revolutionize everything

 

I wonít stop now!

I have another big venture idea

That will change everyoneís life

For the worst

It is in the nature

Of every new big venture

 

This time I will hit it big

Yes I will

 

Just have to be crazy enough

To sacrifice everything

Once again

For just any

New great big venture

 

Maybe

Just Maybe

One day

It will revolutionize everything

 

This time I will hit it big

Yes I will

I know it

Yes I do

 

Yes I will

I know it

Yes I do

Yes I will

I will

Will

 

Summary

 

 

My Imaginary Girlfriend

 

She is legendary

She is powerful

Intelligent

My imaginary girlfriend

 

She wants it all the time

She begs for more

She wants to please me all the way

My imaginary girlfriend

 

Just as well

Being so unremarkable

That my imaginary girlfriend

Is just imaginary

 

Sheís filthy rich

More successful than Madonna

And pure of heart

My imaginary girlfriend

 

I can depend on her

I love her and she truly loves me

She even knows how to shut up

My imaginary girlfriend

 

Just as well

Being so unremarkable

That my imaginary girlfriend

Is just imaginary

 

She does not smoke

She does not drink

Sheís certainly not a drug addict

My imaginary girlfriend

 

Sheís not a bitch

Sheís not killing me

She does not need to be shot in the head

My imaginary girlfriend

 

Just as well

Being so unremarkable

That my imaginary girlfriend

Is just imaginary

 

Summary

 

 

Are You Still My Friend?

 

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

I offended you

I stole everything from you

I understood the whole of your miserable life

I took pity on you

 

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

Youíre my best friend, my only friend

I love you more than you could imagine

I thought that you were mine and no one elseís

But you have a life I know nothing about

 

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

I did not mean to

Iíve destroyed everything

In less time than it took to establish this impossible friendship

At least you know me, I was wild from the beginning

 

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

Could this be the end of that friendship?

Is it impossible to forgive whatever it was?

Are we going to be strangers even in the promised land?

It depends entirely on you

 

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

 

Summary

 

 

Ready to Explode

 

Iíve got a headache

No problem

Just all my energy

Ready to explode

 

Iíve got this urge in me

To make another world from this world

Look, itís there, itís here . . .

A real world!

 

Iím not mad

Iím not dead

Iíve got all this for you

And itís ready to explode

 

You wonít have time to see

Wonít have time to hear

Even though itís all around you

Iím ready to explode

 

Iím going to inspire the masses

Iím inspiring the masses

With whispers

As powerful as guns

Come on, come on!

Iím alive!

I cry out to life!

Weíre going to create this world!

 

Weíre motivated enough to get somewhere

To build a new world

Recreate an earthly paradise

Youíve heard me!

 

Get going!

There are still things to inspire you in this world

Things to save lost souls

We canít forget that hell is waiting to explode

 

Canít forget who we are

Our humble origins can become great

Be proud of what we represent

And fulfil a great destiny

 

Enough of self-absorption

Self-pity

We are as huge as the universe

We are the universe!

 

Ready to explode!

 

Summary

 

 

Freedom

 

Thereís a life after life

An existence after what theyíve made us see

Itís strong and powerful!

Itís all the energy necessary to be born

 

Itís the sum of all the good songs

Of all the marginal personalities

Itís what inspires people to achieve the impossible

Itís what makes a people a great people

 

This infinite urge will be born in all nations of the universe

An enormous structure free from the shackles of the past

An extraordinary new inspiration

Weíll march all over the surface of the universe!

 

Understand the infinite capacity of everything

Understand the infinite definition of the world

Assimilating the whole world

Assimilating universal knowledge

 

Nothing will stop our progress through civilisations

No law, no ambitious wretch

No civil duty

Weíll live and live and live in total freedom!

 

The freedom to breathe

The freedom to act

The freedom to be

Freedom!

 

Summary

 

 

Poetry to Galvanise a Whole Generation

 

There was a time when poetry saved lives

A time when a young man would travel the roads of France

To look for adventure on the open sea

Calling up a whole world of the imagination

And rejecting all convention

That was poetry to galvanise a whole generation

 

Now is the time when poetry saves lives

A time when the young travel the roads of the world

To look for adventure on the open sea

Calling up a whole world of the imagination

And rejecting all convention

Thatís poetry to galvanise a whole generation

 

There will be a time when poetry saves lives

A time when the young will travel the roads of the world

To look for adventure on the open sea

Calling up a whole other world

And rejecting all convention

That will be poetry to galvanise a whole generation

 

Summary

 

 

Our Terrible Sentence

 

Forgive me God for I have sinned

I thought in my madness that I could save the world

I thought I could make a difference

I thought I had the power to change things

 

They deported me

They put me in prison

They stripped me of all the rights Iíd been granted

They stripped me of all the hope Iíd built up for myself

 

I deserve it

I was deaf

I was blind

I wasnít up to it

Now Iím silent

Now Iím invisible

Now Iím dead

Is that what you want?

 

Now there can be no pardon

No possible understanding

No magic vision

In my mind youíre dead

 

Oh God, how your logic puts us in the wrong

How your will fails to move us

How your wisdom is unknown to us

My sentence is that of humanity

 

Weíve all sinned

Weíve all thought we could save the world

Weíve all thought we could make a difference

Weíve all thought we had the power to change things

 

We all failed

Our terrible sentence

 

Summary

 

 

Genesis

 

Have they even got any hope in life?

Any joy in seeing daylight fill space?

Are they still thinking about science, philosophy and politics?

Do they think theyíll discover psychology one day, late in the evening?

And has the wonderful world of money yet been born?

Itís called the world of marketing and sales

With project managers and managing directors

God must have created these things as irony or as vengeance

 

Once I saw a garden

Radishes, carrots, tomatoes

Earth and flowers

I didnít see the advent of the business world written in the stars

Nor that of political wretchedness

I see the joy of someone who knows and can do nothing

Who walks free from every plague, every thought

Going out with no pressure, no qualifications

And walking all day without thinking about anything at all

A world thatís forgotten his existence

A world that doesnít think any more

But lives and breathes

 

I walk in the wind

Learn to unlearn

To forget whatever weíve tried to understand

Free myself from these machines and this noise

Flee from people running in all directions

Iím in quest of inaction

I want total emptiness

I want to live

 

Summary

 

 

They all killed in your name

 

Oh God!

They were all born in their own little world

They all interpreted your existence according to their own ideas

They all wrote their own bible and believed in it

They all thought they knew everything

They all thought they were right

They all waged war to impose their own ideas

They all killed in your name

 

Oh God!

Did you want so many nations and such wretchedness?

So many births and deaths?

Can pardon, absolution, ever come from all this hell?

Weíre born, we die, just where we are

Freedom of thought has never motivated us

We all have our own laws, our own ways of doing things

They all waged war for their own ends

They all killed in your name

 

Oh God!

Didnít you want us to convert our enemy?

Didnít you want us to understand our enemy?

Didnít you want us to help our enemy?

Didnít you want us to love our enemy even if he kills us?

They all waged war

They all killed in your name

Theyíre all guilty

You probably wanted anarchy on earth?

 

Summary

 

 

Living in Infinity

 

I wanted to achieve great things

And I achieved them

 

I wanted to love the world

And I loved it

 

I wanted to travel over the oceans of the universe

And I travelled there

 

I wanted to understand the universe

And I understood it

 

I wanted to create wonderful things

And I created them

 

You donít understand!

Iíve done everything

Loved everything

Understood everything

Created everything

 

But Godís work is never done

Itís always ongoing

And all the more majestic for that

Itís infinite

And I lack the energy

 

I lack the energy to achieve great things

To love infinitely

Understand infinitely

Create infinitely

 

I lack the energy to live in infinity

 

Summary

 

 

Life Isnít Life

 

Whoís looking for life?

Is there life in this world?

Iíve been searching for it all my life

Late at night in the streets of the world

And I can now say

Death is the whole world

Death is in everything

Death is everywhere

 

So I canít speak this language

So Iím here in this world without the right to life

And I still find a way of expressing myself

On all the oceans of this planet

Thereís no land which can support life

Only hell

Words have no meaning

No way of expressing what I feel

The result of so many years of ordeal

Has only brought despair

In a world where Iíve got everything

Itís still not enough

Iím dying

 

Summary

 

 

I Donít Remember

 

I wrote some twenty-five volumes on the subject

You didnít listen to a word

You produced a work on inspiring politicians

I didnít listen to a word

You wanted to revolutionise everything, thought your nation great and glorious

Nobody listened

 

I wanted to study something interesting in your universities

You didnít listen to a word

You wanted my support and hard work

I didnít listen to a word

You wanted to tear my country apart to be born among the nations of the universe

Nobody listened

 

I wanted to play my part, I wanted to be what I am

You didnít listen to a word

You scolded me for my way of life, for not being part of my nation

I didnít listen to a word

Now youíve got need of new blood because youíre dying

Nobody will listen to you again

 

Summary

 

 

Make a Difference

 

Itís always possible to leave those you love

Itís always possible to follow other paths

Itís always possible to challenge everything from morning to night

Itís always possible to begin to live again

 

Be happy and free!

Create your own universe, even if you have to rewrite all the dictionaries

Youíll be surprised at the results you can achieve

A personal success going well beyond what anyone else has hoped

 

Itís possible to make your life over again!

Itís possible to build a new world!

Itís possible to succeed according to your own principles!

Itís possible to be happy!

 

Being marginal has never been forbidden

Losing the respect of others has never been a problem

Saying that others are wrong is acceptable

Making a difference is something to be wished for

 

The only thing that counts is the final reckoning at the end of our lives

The only results that count are those weíve wanted to achieve ourselves

We must free ourselves from everyone else

Be marginal and make a difference

 

Summary

 

 

God my darling

 

Oh God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

To continue in this world

Cos' it is to us to build it

Oh God, don't let me down

 

How nice it is to be on top of the world again

Knowing everything there is to know about everything

Did you know you could know beyond the horizon

All the things you used to know

All thrown out the window

 

Oh dear

There is always another way to see things

To interpret reality

Oh god knows if without it I would not be alive

To talk about it without talking about it

 

God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

 

So many songs could motivate you tonight

So many people that could electrify you

And you are thinking of death

Smoking cigarettes until you spit blood

Drinking until you cannot see anymore

Did you have dreams?

Did you think you could change the world?

I do

I have the most wonderful dreams

I am changing the world

I am

 

Though I do not think anymore

Of wonders and peace and infinities

The horse has spoken

Destroyed my ideals

No matter

What good are ideals when you have the dream?

I won't sleep tonight

I will be awake and talking about what matters most

To drive you crazy

 

I will open your eyes

I will open your eyes to the real world

Being the driving force behind a nation

Thinking of new ways to be immortal

Deepest sights and glories

I'll show you, make you understand

That you do not see and do not understand

My deepest thoughts

Frightening views of the underworld

What is happening to this world without your knowledge

Isn't that great

 

Oh God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

To continue in this world

Cos' it is to us to build it

Oh God, don't let me down

 

God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

 

Summary

 

 

I am out of this world

 

Wasteland

Vast wasteland in front of you all

All you were ever able to produce and protect till death

It contains your life story

Your information in the making

DNA lost and lost and lost in and around

Like a slinky going through the heavens

The snakes walking in the spiral of your downfall

3D world for 2D people in a 1D thinking process

Oh shit, have I said too much for your poor mind?

You don't see

You don't understand

Because I don't want you to

I am killing myself over you

I am killing myself for you

I am the person who will injure you for what you represent

I am the rebel of your destiny

Your useless destiny

I don't need my 15 minutes of fame

To communicate that to you in a way that will never reach you

It is exploding in your face

You have never tried

To see beyond matter

Foolish destiny

You do not have the freedom of decision

You never had

Where you are now and where you are going was not written

It is happening and will happen without your consent, without your decisions

It had to be, there is no other way

Where you are going now is computable

It obeys mathematical equations and there is no freedom of thought

Even I cannot free myself from it

Why bother then? God only knows

How sad must it be to know that we had no other choice than be stupid

Obeying some sort of laws of irrationality beyond comprehension

Cannot commit suicide because there is no other way

Cannot be intelligent because there is no other way

You follow your own course, you cannot deviate

You do not choose

You do not really think

It was predetermined by nobody

That nobody that has the last laugh though it serves no purpose

Philosophy was going to happen one day

It was nice to think it meant something

Obviously it never meant anything

How else would you know exactly what will happen tomorrow?

There is no free will in this world

It is a pointless world

Can't commit suicide, it was not written in the stars

Unfortunately

 

Summary

 

 

Presque vu (Almost Seen)

 

I feel like I could almost feel it

I feel like I could almost reach it

Oh, it is all there to grasp and understand

And yet it is out of my reach!

 

Sometimes I understand

I can see beyond everything

I can surmise how the universe works

I can change destiny

 

Must be because I am totally disconnected

Must be because I am mad

I am certainly crazy

Visions or dreams?

 

Have I told you my brain is not working properly?

I am schizophrenic

I am suffering from epileptic seizures

Hallucinations of all sorts

 

That is how I finally connect the dots

That is how finally everything makes sense

That is why I understand the universe

That is why I understand that reality does not make any sense

 

I feel like I could almost feel it

I feel like I could almost reach it

Oh, it is all there to grasp and understand

And yet it is out of my reach!

 

Summary

 

 

The well of wishful thinking

 

I see a well on the horizon

Quickly I go there and throw some money in it

I am so empty

I make a wish

 

Will all my dreams come true?

All the changes in my life that I wish for?

Will I suddenly be rich and famous?

No need to do anything anymore till the day I die?

 

Oh you, well of my destiny

Make all my desires come true

The world coming to a stop

To see what it is they live for

 

I am so simple minded

So stupid that spiders creeping on the wall donít realize

How worthless I have become

Still I have this complex of superiority

 

Does not make much sense

Oh, well of my destiny

Help me understand what my purpose in life is

I have lost any kind of motivation

 

As incomprehensible as these old expressions are

Perhaps you do not mean anything after all

Wishing well of my destiny

I am empty

 

As empty as you

 

Summary

 

 

I am Saint Karen from New York

(Co-written with Saint Karen)

 

I am Saint Karen from New York

The isolation is intense

That's why it is so refreshing to think

Why is everyone so afraid of confrontational honesty? 

I even encounter it in the angst subcultures

It seems like fake angst is accepted because it is a packaging marketing gimmick

But real raw existential panic is hard for people to digest

I certainly see it in the local music scene

Sometimes it's easy for me to feel insecure about myself

But then I just have to plow forward and realize that I must keep agitating the sleepy masses

I like to think of myself as Joan of Arc

Who knows maybe she was in touch with her nothingness

I noticed I mention God a lot

God has always been an influence

Did he eventually ever fall in love?

Did he have a 9 to 5 job anywhere in this world?

Then he would understand what I am going through

Well I thought a lot about spirituality

Got me nowhere, as expected

I guess I will never see the light

Condemned to walk this earth till the end of time

Causing trouble in the mist of New York

Forever and ever

My vision

That is my destiny

 

Summary

 

 

Stuck in a Time Loop

 

Oh God

I am back where I was

Where I have always been

What is it I have to learn here that I have not learnt before?

Are you not worried that I will get bored out of my mind?

That suddenly suicide will become very attractive to me?

Seeing the end of this life means everything to me

Nothing new on the horizon

Nothing new

I have tasted something else you know

I am getting somewhere, or so I thought

But I am not

I am still here

Stuck in this time loop forever

I canít bear it anymore

I do not want that

I want my freedom

I want to live!

To explode on the universe

Have an impact beyond comprehension

I want to dictate!

I want to change the world!

I donít want to be stuck here

I donít want to get back to square one

Every damn minute of my existence

Whereís the way out?

What can I do to change my life?

I donít care if you donít think like I do

I donít care if you donít agree with what I am

I wonít be stuck in this time loop any longer

I will change everything for the better

No more authority

No more hierarchy

No more daily routine till death

No more anything you have ever known

I do not accept this way of life

I will break this loop

I will be free

 

Summary

 

 

God forbid

 

If I were to dictate around here

God forbid

Things would work

 

If I were to control your destiny

God forbid

You would meet the biggest wall of all

 

If I were to decide to act

God forbid

The end of the world would be near

 

If I were to shoot you

God forbid

You would be dead

 

If I could control the elements

God forbid

I would be halfway across the galaxy by now

 

If I could devise the plans

God forbid

We would be a higher form of life right now

 

If I could invent life

God forbid

Life would mean something

 

If I could live

God forbid

I would live to the maximum

 

If I could cry

God forbid

I would cry

 

If I could just be aware for one long second

God forbid

I would see and understand everything there is to understand in this meaningless existence

 

But there is no chance of that since

God forbid!

 

Summary

 

 

There is no Point

 

There is no point in anything

I am out of this world

I donít exist here

What do you expect?

Richness and wonders?

La huitiŤme merveille du monde?

La fin du monde?

I have been expecting it

Takes too long to happen

Nothing contents me

Nothing makes me happy

Distractions, wellÖ

They donít last

Happy world

Everything is nice and expected

I need more

I need much more

More than you could ever provide

I need to get out of here

Out of this universe

To understand everything

But I already do

I am out of here

I live somewhere else

I understand everything

There is nothing to understand

I am a program

That cannot see beyond the programming

And when I catch a glimpse

I see that there is no point in going any further

Being out of ones mind

Out of this world

And see what is out there

And it is the same

The same shit

At another level

Big deal

Is there a point to all this?

Perhaps if I die tonight I might find out

 

Summary

 

 

Thatís it, I had enough

 

I had enough

Of these dreams

Of this unexpected breakthrough

Of these infinite possibilities

How I got myself in such a situation

That I have five days left to live

Before it is all over once again

Until I find the next idea

The next solution that will get me going for another five days

I can no longer live like that

I had enough

I refuse to continue

To hope for a better life

To hope for all my dreams to come true

I have made my decision

Gone!

Gone this life I dreamt of

Never have I been so close

I donít care

Thatís it

I had enough

One more drink is all that I need to finally connect the dots

I wonít dream anymore that someone will come and save me

This only happens in films and maybe not

Iím as good as dead

I cannot pay anymore for all my faults

I cannot live anymore for all my dreams

It is all beyond me now

I am as good as dead

 

Summary

 

 

Never been so low

 

I have finally reached rock bottom

I never thought I would reach it

I always hoped for something, anything

Now I know it was all useless

I am not expecting anything from God

I am not expecting anything from anyone

Because even a miracle would not save me now

Something has changed in me

I donít want any savior anymore

I donít want to be saved

I am beyond hope

I have known it for a while

I did not want to admit it

I have tried so hard!

To get out of my misery

And now I donít want to

Fight anymore

Survive anymore

Hope anymore

This is my will

Delete me

Delete my life

Delete everything!

I do not want to have existed

I was never meant to be!

I am a mistake

Why was I ever born?

I did not want to!

I donít want this life

I never wanted it!

Let me go!

Let me die!

Please, Iíll do anything!

Anything to have never existed!

I was not meant to be

I was not meant to exist

I need to correct this mistake

I need to be deleted

I need to die

 

Summary

 

 

Towards the Green Fields

 

Every night I dream of green fields

Wherever they are

That is what I need to fall asleep

I always get back to that

Green fields

Peace of mind, peace

From you, your existence, your babblings

I always need a break

Dream is my escape

There I donít really exist

There are no consequences

No memories

I donít know where I come from

I cannot remember anything superfluous

Nothing that can be linked to a useless name

To a life of some sort

I am out of here!

Nothing will ever save me!

Iíve always known that

Sad I never did anything concrete about it

Except walk around endlessly

In what I thought was my little universe

It is way too small!

Look at the stars!

It is infinite!

What am I doing here then?

God knowsÖ

I was not meant to be human

I was meant to be the Universe

I am supposed to create the world

In seven seconds

Every day

As many worlds as is necessary

To get lost everywhere every second of the day

One day I am here, the next I am there

I am all over the place!

I am everywhere!

As many places as I can think of

As many universes that I can create

An infinite amount of me in as many universes as there are

I do not know of any reality

Iíve never known of anyoneís existence

This is the beginning of a new destiny!

Splashed over the stars and galaxies

This is where I belong!

There are green fields everywhere

Even in the darkest spots in the universe

Where no one ever went and will ever go

Letís face it, you do not need to exist

I see you every day walking everywhere for no reason

There are billions of you and you are not bothered by that

How useless you are in this mass of the same thing

Countless human beings with no brain

Not one of them wondering why they are here or alive

Should not deserve to be here or alive

There is place for only one soul in my green fields, mine

And mine alone

I donít see billions of faces

That all look the same to me

With the same story to tell

Ahhh! Emotions, feelings, love, conflicts, a desire to assert oneself

Youíre all the same

You are but one person!

But not with me

I am the Marginal

I am out of your identical and meaningless identity

I am the one apart from the masses

I do not understand you

I do not want to be part of you

I do not walk like one in between you when I walk brainless around you

I look at you all and I wonder

I am not part of this

I am not like them

Iím not sure why

I just know

I donít belong here

Just because I understand that all this is meaningless

That I am only one in billions

I know I am not the same somehow

I know I am different

And I know you despise me for being different

I know you do not want me in your society

You know I donít belong there

You hate it when someone is not like you

You hate it when someone stops to think some more about the world

You hate it when someone is different, you donít want them there

They could question you, judge you

They could question why you exist

They could understand how small you are

You know

And I know too

You think there are billions of different personalities

You secretly know there is only one and the same personality

And you share that same identity with everyone on this planet

I am different, I am unique

And thank God for that!

Otherwise there would certainly be no point in living

With a useless job title to justify some sort of meaning to oneís existence

I have my corner of the universe

I possess one little house somewhere

Letís locate it by satellite

Here it is

That dot lost in between countless dots

Thatís you!

Proud achievement!

Useless achievement

I live in my green fields

And they are nowhere to be found, for you that is

 

Summary

 

 

I am going to heaven

(Descent Into Hell)

 

How many times have I found myself here?

Hundreds of times

Did I see light on the horizon?

Never

 

But Iím never alone here

I see familiar faces

I meet famous people

Will we all be here?

 

My descent into hell is infernal

It burns me completely

It eats me away inside until thereís nothing left

Thatís my destiny

 

A zombie in the caverns of this world

Seeing dimly at the summits of this life

Weíve all been going round in circles since the beginning of time

How could we have been happy?

 

With this guilt that eats us

This regret that burns us up

This remorse that kills us

Itís a descent into hell

 

Well, Iím not going to moulder away here

Iím not going to die here

Iím going to get my things together and go up to the surface again

For having suffered so much here on earth, I too am going to heaven

 

Summary

 

 

Death Valley

 

An endless desert

An endless road

The feeling that youíll never see civilisation again

Running out of water or petrol, thatís all it needs

On this road which is badly in need of repair

And without a single tourist

 

This was the moment you chose to make your latest outburst

I panicked, went into the ditch

We hit each other with our fists

I went off into the mountains, or whatever you call those canyons, with my face all bloody

I didnít want you to find me

I didnít want anyone to find me ever again

I walked for a long time and I never felt I was in any danger

Rage made me forget I had no way of getting back to Los Angeles or London

You had all my meagre possessions

It wasnít the first time Iíd left everything behind

 

Your bad temper had become my bad temper

Your problems had become my problems

Your moaning had become my moaning

Your hell had become my hell

 

And suddenly, lost there alone in the desert

I looked at the sky, the sun and the white moon you see in daytime

And I felt good

I felt happy

Your bad temper, your problems, your moaning, your hell

Were no longer mine

 

You had already gone on towards Nevada

I was about to die there alone in Death Valley

And I felt wonderful

I had no more problems

No more moaning on the horizon, just some strange trees

In Death Valley, condemned to die

I was in paradise!

 

Summary

 

 

Inner Peace

 

Purity of mind

Innate clarity

The brain breathes

Oops!Itís fallen

Get up!Itís fallen

Aaargh!

 

What a lovely day

Such a nice breeze

Letís walk in the park

Ah, the trees are in blossom!

I need that now

Iíd like to doze off here

Sleep for hundreds and hundreds of years

Wake up again when the world has disappeared

 

Iím not thinking about anything any more

Iím creating a void

Filling myself with this view

Itís starting to rain

Iím on earth

I see the blue sky

And the birds

 

What lovely day?

I didnít even dare get out of bed this morning

I took a good look at the prospect of living

And went back to sleep

 

Summary

 

 

The New Age

 

Weíre getting to the end of an era

To a world where all the laws will be different

Where frontiers wonít exist any more

The freedom necessary for the survival of the species

Wars donít matter, nor religions, nor existing political systems

A huge revolution is coming

Nothing can stop it because it will happen automatically

Almost naturally

And everyone will welcome the results

Rejoicing in the consequences

Discovering a new universe

Weíll go where it seems good to us to go

Time will no longer limit us

At the dawn of civilisation

A new age will begin

 

Summary

 

 

To Hell with Conformism

 

I never wanted to be different

I always wanted to be part of the group

It was never amusing to be pointed out

To have to fight

And all the rest of it

Iíve always been seen as a danger

A danger to the conformism necessary to society

So am I a danger?

Am I such a threat that I must be eliminated?

Iíve never understood why we donít have the right to go against the rules

Donít have the right to say that what we learned wasnít true

Donít have the right to think differently from the rest

But Iím not going to apologise

I am different

I think differently from the rest

They call me weird

They class me as dangerous

All right then, Iíll be weird

Iíll be dangerous

Iím going right to the bottom of your neurosis

Iím going to challenge everything

Iím going to challenge you

Iíll play out my true role as a marginal

Iíll rally all the marginals on the planet

And become too strong for anyone to fight me again

I am different

And Iíll act accordingly

To hell with conformism

 

Summary

 

 

I want to cry

 

I want to cry

Thatís what youíve achieved

Thatís the feeling I get when I look at your achievements

Itís not enough, itíll never be enough for me

So what are you doing about it?

Donít you want the world to be better?

A world where we can all be happy?

Whatís stopping you?

What are your thoughts?

Itís not a matter of law

Itís not a matter of politics

Itís a love story

Love your neighbour, live and let live

Canít you find it in your heart to want to save the species?

Open everything up, even your own guts?

What are you afraid of?

That a monster under your bed will come and bite your toes?

Forget your devilish religion

Forget your devilish laws

Forget overprotecting the brains of your wonderful children

Just for a moment forget about defending your little bit of territory

Forget your flag!

Weíre more than that

Weíre in the process of disappearing

Weíre going to disappear from the face of the earth

We must leave

Leave this world

Far, far, far away

Begin again elsewhere

Begin everything all over again elsewhere

Only, will we have the chance?

 

Summary

 

 

Sold to Other Peopleís Ideas

 

Thatís me every day

In the street, at work, in my flat

Selling myself for no reason

But a crust of bread

 

Great plans for the future of humanity!

Revolutionary ideas to bring a whole country to its knees!

Ideas and ideas raining down from the sky!

Everything in my way crushed and wiped out

 

Thatís me spat out

On the surface of this table

A reflection in the mirror

Oh, Iím handsome inside

 

Violence!

Killings!

The dead piling up!

Being sold for the ideas of others!

 

Iím selling myself for you

Youíre selling yourselves to me

The results are horrifying

Thirty million dead sent to Coventry

 

Iím rich now

Prostitution pays well

Youíre alienated now

Itís time to make everything add up

 

Thatís me every day

In the street, at work, in my flat

Selling myself for no reason

But a crust of bread

 

Summary

 

 

A Swamp Full of Tadpoles

 

Iím the prisoner of something too big for me

I try to rise to the surface but I only get lost

To die drowned by the waves closing over me

I suppose I was looking for it

I wanted to die among the masses

Pass by unnoticed in a world too big for me

To be insignificant in this swamp full of tadpoles

Was I aiming for something, really?

Did I really want to get out of this swamp and become God Almighty?

Have a life being heard and being listened to?

Having my turn at dictating what should be and will be?

Useless to deny it, I wanted to make something enormous

A monstrous centipede capable of yelling in every place at once

A monster with a thousand heads and a thousand voices

The voice of truth, a subjective truth which I could manipulate at a whim

How could I have lost courage

How could I have lapsed into silence among the masses

How could I accept all that?

Impossible

I mingle with the whole so that I can be heard as a whole

To be stronger and more credible

How could I have lost the true north?

Easy, I never lost it

I could be stronger than Iíve been

I could be the tadpole that rises out of the swamp

Whoíll become a powerful frog who can reach the lake

And then Iíll be happy

Iíll be liberated

Iím going to be able to breathe at last

And if Iím mistaken?

If I have to accept my status of tadpole in this swamp?

Letís be realistic, Iíve failed at everything

Everyone managed to get out of the swamp

But Iím here for all eternity

And I canít accept it

I still have dreams of glory

How to get out and become larger than everyone else

But I could be mistaken

I could die here without ever having been heard

Without having made a difference

Please help me to accept this failure

But I could be born again from my ashes

Iím not dead yet

We must keep hoping for a better world

We must stay motivated

We must be hopeful

We must get out of the swamp and make ourselves heard

I have to succeed

Thereís no choice

Itís bigger than I am

We must challenge everything, we must challenge the universe

We must question everything, question our conditions,

our position in the universe

Itís stronger than I am

It must change!

 

Summary

 

 

Go ahead with your dreaming

 

For what it is worth

To hope for so much

Can only be deceived the day it becomes reality

 

You are guilty for making the world what it is

To be powerless in changing it

To not even try

 

How I wish I never had any dream

Never succeeded in making them come true

What is there left for me now?

 

No more dream worth pursuing

No hope that one day everything will fall into place

That I'll be free to do as I wish

 

You are guilty for making the world what it is

To be powerless in changing it

To not even try

 

If I were to go back in time and decide to pursue my dreams

I would not do anything

Better continue to hope in a better world than be disappointed

 

You are guilty for making the world what it is

To be powerless in changing it

To not even try

 

Go ahead with your dreaming, for what it is worth

Hope in a better world is all there is left

Cos' there'll never be a better world

 

You are guilty for making the world what it is

To be powerless in changing it

To not even try

 

Summary

 

 

Being stopped by love

 

Love is a prison

Love is the biggest obstacle to conquered

Love is everything between you and success

Love is not worth it

 

Love is no reason to stop you living

Love is no reason to stop you from having friends

Love is no reason to stop you from smoking and drinking

Love is no reason to stop you from living the way you should

 

Love is a prison

Love is the biggest obstacle to conquered

Love is everything between you and success

Love is not worth it

 

How much more whinging must one suffer?

Complaints going on and on and on?

Bitching and blaming and accusationsÖ

Itís a living hell!

 

Love is a prison

Love is the biggest obstacle to conquered

Love is everything between you and success

Love is not worth it

 

Love, is not really love

It stops life

No way

Just get rid of it

 

Oh, how I wish I could!

 

Summary

 

 

I'm Useless

 

I wanted to be at the top of the world

I wanted to be a billionaire

I had dreams of controlling the planet

I thought I would wipe out everyone on my way to success

 

I am at the bottom of the world

I have more debts than England

I am not even controlling my five cats

People wipe me out on their way to success

 

I was going to be the best Prime Minister there ever was

I wanted to be a business man with a conscience

I was going to help people get out of their misery

I was different and I was going to make a difference

 

Politics make me sick

Capitalism is killing me

I am the most miserable sod there is

I'm different all right, but nowhere near making any difference

 

I wanted to be a rock star

I saw myself as the best author ever

I would have made movies worthy of the Oscars

I was on my way to revolutionise everything

 

I can't even play a note

I can't write anything worthy of any attention

I held an Oscar once, and that's about it for that

My revolution has yet to come

 

I'm hopeless at everything

I'm worthless at even living a normal life

I have failed in all my jobs

I'm useless

 

Summary

 

 

No Way Out

 

Why, oh why!

Why am I so miserable?

Why am I so depressed all the time?

Why can't I have fun like everyone else?

Why is happiness just an impossible goal?

What an injustice that I was born like that

Worrying about just everything

Incapable of appreciating one single thing

Sinking lower every day

No way out

 

Why, oh why?

Why can't I see beauty?

Why can't I appreciate the simple things of life?

Why is it that I was expecting so much?

Why is it that it is never good enough?

Such high expectations

Standards so high that they could never be reached

It has all gone wrong

A living hell I've made of my existence

No way out

 

Why, oh why?

Why was I born like this?

Filled with an emptiness larger than an ocean

Dreaming of the infinities while watching the night sky

Hoping I was anywhere else in the universe but here

It's not fair!

To be born different

Unable to live a normal life

Unable to accept reality for what it is

No way out

 

Why, oh why?

 

Summary

 

 

When I was a little boy

 

I remember when I was a little boy

I was filled with wonder

I looked at the night sky

I asked questions

I could not understand this universe

 

When I grew up

I stopped wondering

I looked at the night sky

I am asking no more questions

I still can't understand this universe

 

When I was a little boy

I watched silently the world around me

I watched TV

I asked questions

I could not understand this world

 

When I grew up

I stopped watching the world around me

I watched even more TV

I can't even think of a question to ask

I still can't understand the world around me

 

When I was a little boy

I did not know what to do with my time

I was as empty as the universe

I was waiting for something to happen

Nothing ever happened

 

When I grew up

I did not have the time to do anything

I was filled with all this surrounding me

I am waiting for some peace of mind

Too many things happen at once

 

When I was a little boy

I was innocent

I was ignorant

I was nothing

I was indifferent

 

When I grew up

I was no longer innocent

No longer ignorant

No longer nothing

But gosh I wish I was indifferent

 

Summary

 

 

Remaining true to oneself

 

No more lies, ever

Can be plastic for a while

If it serves my purpose

But ultimately, there is only one truth

There is only one destiny

I am following it

It does not involve anyone else

And these people

Does not matter

They are all so insignificant

This is not what I want

This is not my life

Shining, being successful, making millions

These things are not important to me

This is not me

I have created a whole new universe

I am living in there

Whenever I can, that is

However, this is all there is

Nothing else

Life, success

Iím flirting with them, no doubt

When I can get inspired from it

I should not forget that they mean nothing

They should not take me over

I should not stress over them

I am my only master

Only my freedom counts in the end

Only my happiness means something

And I wonít find that anywhere

It is a state of mind

To not depend on anything, or any place, or anyone

To get there

And I will get there

If I can recognise this, right here and right now

If I can stop and think

I may lose my way here and there

Forget who I am and what I can do

As long as I can remember my nature

As long as I can disconnect from all of this

And remember what it is that I am and doing

Then there is hope

 

I wonít play their game

I wonít be part of it

Nothing and no one is important enough

I donít belong to them

I donít belong here

There is another world out there

The dream world

The virtual world

My own creation

At the end of the day

This is all there is

And nothing else

 

If nothing else

I will remain true to myself

 

Summary

 

 

Get inspired, if you can

 

Not too many things

Not too many people

Not too many can inspire

Energise you

Break the mould

Break out of this reality

Break out!

 

Why waste time

Why waste a life

Why waste everything

For what is not worth it?

 

Who cares?

Who gives a damn?

No one

Unless they forgot what was important

And God, there are so many of them

With no life anymore

You wish you could take them in your hands

Shake them

Until they wake up

But they wonít, they could not

They are too far gone

 

Not important

You is important

I am important

I need to free myself

That is all that matters

 

I need to get inspired!

I need to revolutionise everything!

Even if it was all and only for myself

In my own little puny mind

 

I need to feel strong

I need to feel I am over everything else

I need to feel free!

To do whatever I want, whenever I want

 

That I could still be successful

That I could still be appreciated

That I could still be desired

That I could still be right there in the middle of it all

 

Are you blind?

Are you completely out of your mind?

Are you that desperate?

Or am I still worth something despite my convictions that I am not?

 

I am ugly

I am old

I am worthless

I donít give a toss about anything

I am the last person you would like to hire

And yet, Iím still there playing your mind games

And suffering from it

 

There is nothing else I need to do here

There is nothing else I need to say here

There is nothing else I can do that will make any difference whatsoever

There is nothing I can say that is worthwhile

 

I canít get inspired anymore

You have killed any sort of original idea I could have

Nothing is worth it anymore

Not that it ever was

I wonít reinvent the wheel, I know that now

I have accepted it

 

Get inspired while you can

While you feel you can still be inspired

I certainly canít

I donít remember a time when I was

You have made a miserable human being out of me

 

Summary

 

 

 

Iím not proud

 

Iím not proud

Of being a human being now

I donít think I ever was anyway

But now I have a damn good reason

While all my fellow citizens are losing their mind

 

Iím not proud!

Iím not proud of any of you

You have given up

You have given everything you had

You are asking for less

Standards have gone out the window

You deserve what is coming

And you let it happen

 

Iím not proud

Of the human race

Of what we have achieved

Of where we are going

Nowhere

Who could be proud?

No one

 

Iím not proud

Iím not proud of you

You cannot see beyond the next hill

You cannot see what is coming

You are doom

And yet you donít care

 

Iím not proud

Of being who I am

Because I cannot make a difference

I cannot tell you

I cannot change anything

I witness it

And thatís it

That is why I can only say

We deserve what we have

 

Iím not proud of what we have become

And neither should you

 

Summary

 

 

In Between Days

 

Unfortunately

I have the time to see it happen

I have the time to think about what is to come

I donít like it

I wish it was there right now

Before I had the time to doubt myself

To doubt the universe

And its mechanisms

Oh, how I am wasting time!

Oh, will it still be there for me?

Will I be able to accomplish anything once Iím there?

Do I need proof that I am following my destiny?

Can I leave all doubts out the door?

Oh, I wish I could

Oh, Iím not so sure it will all happen

Am I still in control?

Am I building up this huge work of art?

Or am I just as lost as I always thought I was?

Am I just a useless piece of crap?

Living within other lost ones

With no ambition whatsoever

Who can only complain

And complain

And complain

Until there is nothing left

That resembles life?

I am so tired to hear this planet whinge

That Iím considering wild solutions

To stop this whinging

Iím gonna turn myself into a weapon of mass destruction

Iíve been pretty successful so far

As I am myself a first class whinger

However I canít stand it anymore

On the verge of such a radical change

There is no more time to whinge

Only time to think

Only time to plan

Only time to dream

I have no more time

For the problems of the humanity

I am in between days

Before the misery ends

Before the dream starts

And I wonít let anything stop me

Even for a second

Get lost!

Yes! All of you

Get out of my way!

I am on the path to my destiny

The past no longer exists

You no longer exist

Only I count for something now

Only I exist

I have to figure out

Everything

I have to figure out

What it is that Iím supposed to do now

Where it is that I am really going

What I am really going to achieve

I have work to do

And I will do it

Even if it kills me

Even if it kills you

 

Oh, how I wish I was no longer

Oh, I wish I was no longer

In between days

 

Summary

 

 

I donít want to fall in love again!

 

I am guilty!

I have betrayed everything that I loved!

I secretly wanted it so badly

And now that it has happened

I canít stand it!

It is tearing me apart!

I donít want to fall in love again!

 

God please help me

Make sense of it all

What is it that I fell in love with?

Is it just an idea, a concept?

Is it more profound than that?

This history of places, of people, of deaths?

Somewhere in Maryland, in New Mexico, in the Nevada Desert?

Having Death Valley around the corner?

Losing myself in the dunes, the sun, the infiniteÖ

Is this what I fell in love with? Tell me

Is there a cure?

Was I allowed to see too much?

Was it too soon?

Was I ready to fall in love again?

I donít think so

Now it has happened

I have to deal with it

I have to

Somehow

 

I was already in love with the greatest cutest little thing

It was called England

It was my playing field

And believe me I played hard there

I am crying again, and again, and again

Everything there is to cry

The most beautiful thing ever

So sweet and so much in love with me

How could I ever trade you for anything else?

I could never

I would prefer to die

 

The floodgate is opened

The tornadoes are raging

The earthquakes are cominí

 

I am at the dawn of a new life

I can see it emerging in front of my eyes

It is huge

It is powerful

It is far reaching

It is all I have ever hoped for

The price to pay might just be too much

 

It is too late now

Iím already in love

Again

 

Summary

 

 

Permanent Summer with Palm Trees and Canyons

 

What is there not to love in the San Fernando Valley?

It is always sunny

From whatever direction you look at

Sure enough you will see

Palm Trees

Mountains

Clean sidewalks

Little white houses

Purity to infinity

Innocence of a world

That has nothing to do with Hollywood

My universe is of a bright white

Immaculate

Puts all your thoughts in order

Of a tranquility not found in London

Suburbs of Los Angeles

With canyons in every directions

Topanga Canyon is the closest

Huge rock face with weird flowers and cacti

After it is Malibu Beach

Miles of sand with blue water

The Californian coast a few miles away

The heat of the sun keeps my balcony floor warm at night

And when it rains, it is a nice little rain

My simple little life

Without any worry whatsoever

It could easily be

If I would let it be

 

I can tell the time by where the sun or the moon is in the sky

Right over my head, it is noon or midnight

The shadow of the trees can also tell me

Where I am

What I am thinking

Inspiration for a lifetime

The kind of surge I get only years later

Once I have lost it all

 

I could never come back

It would never be the same anyway

These magical moments only exist at that very second

After that it is gone forever

And you have to go for the adventure

To find new inspirations

If ever you can find such moments again

 

I am about to lose it all

I can feel it

Got to cherish those moments while they last

They wonít last much longer

It could never be the same

Itís great when you donít have to wait

Until you have lost it

To understand

That peaceful existence

Of a perfect moment in time

 

Summary

 

 

Whatever it is you couldnít stand about me

 

Is it the packaging?

I know, pretty cheap, got no money

But you are rich I hear?

The sell by date?

Iíve long passed my sell by date

But never mind

You are rotten to the core

My frontal bar code?

Well, Iím sure it would not work with your mind reader

Is it my third eye?

My big mouth?

My bad teeth?

Do I have bad breath?

Oh, must be my brain

I was born deformed, I know

Compared to your perfection, that is

Is it my personality?

When I did not laugh at your boring jokes?

They put me to sleep, dear

Sorry

Is it because Iím always drunk?

Well, feel yourself lucky

To do what you ask of me

I would need to be drugged to full capacity at all time

What is it?

Tell me! Tell me!

My lack of enthusiasm when you wanted to enslave me?

Cosí I have an excuse for that one

I was sick that day

You make me sick, dear

Just for being you

 

Maybe this is what you could not stand about me

That I could not stand you in the first place

 

Summary

 

 

My Island

 

I am disconnected

I donít live here anymore

I live somewhere else

A perfect world

An island

A perfect one

How can I describe it?

A palace

Heights

Flying machines

A Sun

A Moon

Symbols

Problems

Which are not mine

Only beauty for me to see

To enjoy

To live through

Seeing trees

Landscapes

Other islands

The rain through the forest

An imagined history

Pure creation

Beyond any dreams

I feel it so deeply

I live there all the time

I cannot leave this place

I love this place

Such perfection

That I could never reach

In the real world

My virtual world

It has become so important

So central to my life

To my survival

How can it be?

It is virtual

It is just a dream

And yet it is so powerful

I donít live here anymore

I guess I never did

I was always more there

Than I have ever been here

I am so confused

Did I ever exist?

Has this reality ever existed?

Iím not sure

I think I imagined it all

The real world is that island

Which I always come back to

I donít know where I would be right now

If I never went there

I would not be where I am now

Iím sure of it

Iím so lost

Iím not sure if I really exist

I feel I can almost understand

That this is not real

My life

It cannot be

I am now on my island

In real life

It makes no sense to me

I am even rejecting it

It seems

It is only good in my dreams

Only acceptable as long as it is unreachable

It makes no sense

Tonight Iím not here

Iím out there

Iím on my island

I feel so good

I feel warm

I feel beauty passing through myself

I am that universe

It is all me

I am one with my world

With the world

And for once

It makes sense to me

I donít exist here

I only exist there

Thatís where I have always been

More there than here

It has become my reality

The only place I can really exist

Where I can feel good about being alive

At least I have that

Not sure if anyone else has that chance

I donít care

I realized tonight

That I have always been living

In another world

And I am pleased that I finally accepted it

Reality is something of the past

Something that never really existed

For me

There is only one place to evolve in

To contemplate

To enjoy life

My island

 

Summary

 

 

Los Angeles does not really exist

 

For the first time in my life

I am convinced that my life is not real

I can feel it

It is a joke

And Iím wondering

Why it made me suffer so much

When really it was never there in the first place

You would think that after suffering so much

I decided to create myself a dream world

Freud would destroy my argument in a second

But I think he missed the point

I have reached another understanding

One that he could never reach

I understand that the world is not real

It is an invention

A creation of some sort

A testing ground perhaps

But no more than that

It is no more real than my dreams

My dreams are more real now

I stand somewhere over all of this

Los Angeles made me understand

No matter all the problems it sent my way

I just cannot believe it

I donít buy it

It is all fake

Life is much simpler

Life is simple

And it is not what it seems

It is something else

I can see it so clearly now

Every tree, every bush

Have been placed there

For some reason

But it is a desert

It should be a desert

It should be emptiness

It is emptiness

It does not belong there

Nothing belongs anywhere

It was placed there for us

To act like if it was a real world

It is obvious to me

That it never was

And only here can I see it so clearly

It is all an illusion!

An elaborate scam!

The world does not exist!

Why do you still suffer?

There is no reason to

It was created for you to pretend

To be alive and kicking

When really

You cannot be

Nothing belongs here

You do not belong here

I donít belong here

It is all someone elseís creation

And I refuse to be part of it

It is not mine

I have nothing to do with that obvious fake creation

This virtual world

I want to live in the real world

The world I have not been told about

Which oversees all of this so-called reality

I am now aware

I can feel it

I will reach the real world

I will

 

Summary

 

 

The extinction of humanity

 

What you qualify as my twisted mind

Is only a reflection of what you taught me

It is only the true and only consequence

Of what you truly tried to brainwash me about

It was leading there

I donít understand why you feel this is not true

What did you expect?

Was it not what you wanted me to do?

To truly really do?

Is competition not the extermination of any threat to my being?

Is succeeding not preventing others from taking my place?

Is becoming rich and powerful

Not mean everyone else being a slave to my own desires?

If I am to control everything

Surely it means that no one else should have any freedom

If I am to lead the life I am expecting to lead

Then no one else can live in this world

What you qualify now as my twisted mind

Is your own twisted mind you did not realize you had

You were just too blind to see it

It is too late now

I will make all your dreams come true

And I will not get the blame

You will get just what you deserve

I assure you

What you taught me

It was leading there

To the extinction of humanity

 

Summary

 

 

Hail to the bugs, the true leaders of this world

 

By bugs

You probably thought I was referring to our politicians

But I was in fact talking about the true leaders of this world

Something much more powerful than any of us

Real bugs

We are at war

And we are losing it

Itís time we acknowledge our defeat

And consider them as our true leaders

Bugs have taken over the world

They inhabit us

We are still unable to kill them

They spread from one host to the other

We have become their home

It kills us

And then they move on to someone else

Until none of us will remain

To even support their existence

They donít seem to mind

Not hard to understand

We have been following the same pattern

Multiplying until the Earth can no longer sustain any of us

But that was not the real worry

We will all be dead by the time the earth becomes unlivable

The bugs are winning the war

And we have not even declared that we were at war

Because we feel they are not really threatening

Until they actually reach either us directly

Or someone we personally love

Wonít be too long now

Soon we will all be infected

Theyíre winning the war

They mutate much faster than we could hope to mutate ourselves

And they donít even need to practice DNA re-sequencing

They move at a much higher time rate than us

Theyíve gone through millions of generations

Of permutations

Of mutations

While we were still debating what should be legal or illegal

Hail to the bugs

The next and only humanity

Perhaps they will find a way not to kill each other

And finally get out of the solar system

Something it seems we were never going to achieve anyway

What a pity

There is no greatness to speak of here

About humanity

After all

Perhaps we were not really worth it

It took so long anyway to understand anything

We only produced two geniuses

Newton and Einstein

And it took us hundreds of years

To finally understand

That they were completely wrong

Ultimately we produced no geniuses at all

It was all an illusion

The history of humanity is a sad one indeed

Plagued with stupidity

While we were praising our intelligence and greatness

Perhaps the bugs

In their own time frame

Will go further than we could ever achieve

The bugs, our only true legacy

May they be the ones finally getting out of the solar system

To continue humanityís legacy to the stars

The only species with any real future

The only species capable of surviving any Life Extinction Event

Hail to the bugs!

The true leaders of this world!

 

Summary

 

 

My attempt to find happiness

 

What am I complaining about?

Donít I remember that kid?

Living desperately alone when he was 18?

In a black hole in the North Pole?

I had dreams to see the world

To live everywhere

It started with Ottawa

Then Paris

Then London

Then Toronto

Then New York

Then Brussels

Then Los Angeles

Iíve seen the world

I lived everywhere of any consequence

Iíve achieved those dreams

Why was it not enough?

What more could I want?

I did not find happiness

I did not even find peace

I found no answer to all my questions

I guess I was not going to find them in Los Angeles

Under a palm tree

Or under a rock in the desert

I should have jumped into hard drugs with my two hands

Perhaps I would then have found some answers

Some happiness

I only found alcohol

I think it did not help much

I might as well have remained in the North Pole

Perhaps I would have found happiness there after all

Under a rock under the snow

After digging for a few miles

Nothing exists from before I reached London

And now that I am no longer in London

It seems that my life has ended

I am lost somewhere outside the fabric of space

Need to find a way back to my life

Need to find a wormhole leading back to London

Surely there is one between Los Angeles and London?

Or else

Bring me a Big Bang

If everything explodes

I might be able to rebuild or create something bearable

With all the pieces of my reality

Lost everywhere in the world

The universe is obviously too small for me

Happiness must lie outside of it

Great

Now I have dreams of getting out of the universe

Iíll find a way

To tell you if I have found happiness

Once I get there

Cos believe you me

I will get there!

And I better find happiness

 

Summary

 

 

Beyond that Californian Mountain

 

Get ready, weíre leaving!

I donít know where

Donít ask

Weíre just leaving

There are some new horizons to explore

Iíve been told there was something there

To make it all worthwhile

Of course I donít believe it

I donít care

I need to get out of here!

I need to believe there is something

Beyond these Californian mountains

I see them every day on my way to work

And yet I am stuck in the Valley

Every day on my way to work

I cannot reach those mountains

Iím not even sure if theyíre real

Who cares?

Get ready!

Weíre leaving

I donít know

Who cares?

I need to get out of here

I cannot be stuck like this

Anywhere!

I cannot just stop living

Anywhere

I need to feel alive!

I need to get going

I need to listen

To my sense of adventure

My need of exploration

Whatís behind that mountain?

I donít know

I donít care

I need to go there

I need to find out

Donít you understand?

I need to get out of here!

Get ready!

 

Summary

 

 

Where am I?

 

I donít know where I am anymore

Iíve been everywhere

Time is no longer linear in my case

I am everywhere and nowhere at the same time

I donít know what it is that I am supposed to do

I just know that I donít want to do it

 

Where am I?

I donít know where I am

I just know that I donít want to be anywhere

Anywhere has never made me happy

Whatever I ever did

Never made me happy

So

How could I care where I am

What I am doing?

And especially

What I should be doing next

And where?

 

Where am I?

What is it that Iím supposed to do here?

Should it not be where I actually want to be?

Doing what I actually want to do?

It is not the case

So I could not care less

That is why I have the strangest ideas

The weirdest desires

Of changing everything

Nothing ever could make me happy

Nowhere in this world could I ever be happy

You could not make me happy

I donít need you

I donít need everything that you want me to do

I donít need that shite

Just get out and disappear!

So I can get lost too

And never

Ever

Have

To give it

A second thought

 

Where am I?

Lost, thatís for sure

What am I doing?

Nothing, thatís for sure

Where should I be?

Nowhere

What should I be doing?

Nothing

 

Then

Perhaps

I might

Find

Happiness

 

Summary

 

 

I thought you were dead

 

I thought I succeeded

In killing all of you

In my own thoughts

My own dreams

And then

To my astonishment

You all came back from the dead

 

What is it now?

What do you want from me?

Donít you understand

That youíre supposed to be dead?

Not existing

Being nothing?

 

I succeeded

In forgetting you

Accepting your death

Why do you come back now?

What are all those questions?

I donít need to answer any of them

Iím in deep shit, as usual

I know you could help me tremendously

I know you donít want to

I know you wonít

I know I would not accept it anyway

 

So why come back from the dead?

Especially now?

When I am so down at the bottom?

Do you enjoy seeing me down there?

Does it make you feel better

How low I am

And how normal you are?

 

Well, I never cared for normality

I prefer to be sinking really

Yes I do!

Donít question me

I donít know why

I donít want to know

I am marginal

I am not like you

I donít want to be like you

 

Let me sink!

I donít care for zombies

Contacting me once in a while

To find out if I am finally getting somewhere

I am not

And I wonít be

For many more decades

Are you happy now?

Are you ready to go back

To the world of the dead?

 

Summary

 

 

Tomorrow will be such a great day all over L.A.!

 

Iíve got to be on lots of amphetamines

To even entertain the idea

That tomorrow

In Los Angeles

Will be a great day

All this town has been able

To bring me

Is a death wish

And yet

I am here tonight

Suddenly believing in miracles

That days are not passing by

Just to bring the worst in humanity

Every single day has been

Worse and worse

Even when you could not think

It could get any worse

Life always finds a way

To make it worse the next day

It is excruciating

Wondering what Iím doing here

Thatís it

I can feel life leaving me forever

I might just die here

Unless I do something

Unless I get out of here before it happens

Is it not too late?

Just when you think

That you are due for a great day

Any kind of good news

That suddenly will change your life

Forever

You discover

That this town has played a trick on you

It is exasperating

You want to die

It is always worse the next day!

Surely

At some point

Iíll wake up in L.A.

And feel great?

At least once?

Oh GodÖ

It just wonít happen

What a disaster

 

Summary

 

 

Sweet Chinese Girl

 

I know youíre a girl

And Iím a boy

And that by some sort

Of law of nature

Weíre incompatible

I feel deeply for you

Weíre in the same boat

A sinking boat

Youíre left there alone

Looking at all this

Experiencing it for the first time

Totally desperate

Not knowing what to do

Whatís coming next

I feel so bad for you

I feel so sorry for you

Iíve been through it dozens of times

It is second nature to me

That hell youíre just discovering

I would love to squeeze you in my arms tonight

Make you discover what it is

That you are actually missing

Everywhere I have been

Everything I have seen

Connected for eternity

To something larger than you have ever experienced

Forget what it is that they are doing to you

Come with me

Weíll go and explore this world

Weíll forget for a while

Weíll be happy for a while

Youíre so sweet

For you Iíll make an exception

I will stop

I will take you under my wings

Until you can fly away

Far away from here

Understand that there is something else

Beyond the horizon

Iíve seen it

And yet

It is more of the same

Only together could we ever built ourselves

A fortress in which

None of them will ever have access

Come with me

Iíll make you discover

This world

Before they turn you into a monster

Sweet Chinese Girl

 

Summary

 

 

Iím Unstoppable!

 

Why do I always doubt myself?

I always succeed anyway in the end

I feel so powerful right now

I could take a whole army by myself

Get out of my way!

 

Nothing

No one

Will ever stop my in the pursuit of my destiny

I will accomplish every single thing I want

I will succeed at everything I put my mind to

And all of you

Trying to stop me

Will be wiped out of my path

 

Iím indestructible!

Whatever I want to achieve

I achieve it

Whatever obstacles you can see

I am blind to it

Nothing will stop me

No one will stop me

 

There is always a solution

The important thing

Is to not stop before it even begins

I need to go for it

Aware of the impossibility of it

Somehow

I always find a way

To make it come true

 

Money is the least of my worry

I never had any

And yet

It never stopped me

So believe me

When Iím telling you

That I am going to build this empire

I will!

 

Iím following my great destiny

Iím unstoppable!

 

Summary

 

 

Power is nothing

 

Real power in this world

Is nothing

It does not give me any buzz

I donít care

For deciding the destiny of millions

Their fate

Their faith

It is insignificant

The real power is in the head

It is psychological

When you really feel powerful

Ready to create a new universe

Motivated like never

This is significant

This is real power

Creating something huge

When youíre off your mind

Alone

For that I might skip ending my life

For that power I sense in me

That never ending potential

To change everything

Without any real power in the physical world

It is worth living for

Power is nothing

No good ever came of it

But being powerful in your own mind

Can change the world

On a massive scale

 

Summary

 

 

I cannot be trusted, I will fail every time

 

You would think I was

The trustable type

Yeah!

Leave it to me!

Iíll take care of everything

Why not?

What are you worried about?

Iíve got a brain

So at least I thought

Iíll deal with it

Get out! Get outÖ

I can be trusted

Iíll take care of everything

 

Oh dear

I guess I was wrong

I cannot be trusted

You should never have left

You should never have

Trusted everything to me

Iíve destroyed everything

Just as I thought

Just as expected

It was so easy to reach that point

You would never believe

I cannot be trusted

I destroyed it all

Faster than thinking

About the fact that I had to be doubly careful about it

I failed

Miserably

Now youíre free to think

Whatever you want about me

Iíll fail you every time

Iím just

Not perfect

I could never be

I never wanted to be

I destroyed everything

And it was to be expected

I knew it

You should have seen it as well

I am not like the others

I am not perfect

I will never be

Iíve always known it

They have told you already

That I was not it

And yet

You did not believe them

You thought I had some sort of potential

How ridiculous

Well

Now you know

There was no hope for me