Book of Songs

 

The best of my dark poetry

 

 

 

 

By

 

 

 

 

Roland Michel Tremblay

 

 

www.themarginal.com

rm@themarginal.com

 

44E The Grove, Isleworth, Middx, London, TW7 4JF, UK

Tel: +44 (0)20 8847 5586

 

 

 

 

Preface

 

This is the best of my dark poetry, six books in all, written during the last 15 years. This book of songs was put together at the request of a musician friend of mine who was looking for songs. I thought, I may as well put it online and see if others are interested.

 

There are two sections, the normal songs which could be adapted into any style, and the rap/heavy metal section. That last section does not mean that the songs really need to be rap or heavy metal songs, however they appear to be better spoken than sang, or they are a bit more extreme, in the spirit of rap/heavy metal songs.

 

If you are interested in turning these into songs, even modify them for your needs, and perhaps recycle many good lines from different songs to make new ones, please contact me and we will come to an arrangement.

 

Though this is copyrighted work, you can distribute them around for free with my name and contact details on them, and even put them online elsewhere as long as you link them to my website. If you turn them into songs, I will then have to be recognized as the author, or co-author if you wish to modify or add to them.

 

 

 

Summary

 

 

Part 1 – Any Style Songs

 

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Reaching an L.A. Crisis

My new big venture will destroy everything

My Imaginary Girlfriend

Are You Still My Friend?

Ready to Explode

Freedom

Poetry to Galvanise a Whole Generation

Our Terrible Sentence

Genesis

They all killed in your name

Living in Infinity

Life Isn’t Life

I Don’t Remember

Make a Difference

God my darling

I am out of this world

Presque vu (Almost Seen)

The well of wishful thinking

I am Saint Karen from New York

Stuck in a Time Loop

God forbid

There is no Point

That’s it, I had enough

Never been so low

Towards the Green Fields

I am going to heaven

Death Valley

Inner Peace

The New Age

To Hell with Conformism

I want to cry

Sold to Other People’s Ideas

A Swamp Full of Tadpoles

Go ahead with your dreaming

Being stopped by love

I'm Useless

No Way Out

When I was a little boy

Remaining true to oneself

Get inspired, if you can

I’m not proud

In Between Days

I don’t want to fall in love again!

Permanent Summer with Palm Trees and Canyons

Whatever it is you couldn’t stand about me

My Island

Los Angeles does not really exist

The extinction of humanity

Hail to the bugs, the true leaders of this world

My attempt to find happiness

Beyond that Californian Mountain

Where am I?

I thought you were dead

Tomorrow will be such a great day all over L.A.!

Sweet Chinese Girl

I’m Unstoppable!

Power is nothing

I cannot be trusted, I will fail every time

Completely screwed up

There’s no end to it

Tonight I am alive!

I Shall be Free!

There is still hope for me

I have lived! And now I can die…

Being Nothing

My Mea Culpa

Throw Me Away After Use

Step Into My Hell

Flee, Flee, Flee!

I’m Going to Shoot Myself

I Go from One Extreme to the Other

From the Moment When . . .

Love is Sweet

Something Philosophical

There’s Nothing Worse Than People With Principles

You Lied

If I Were God

The British Dream

The American Dream

I’m Ugly

The Power of Words

Oh Gloria, If You Hadn’t Loved Cider So Much . . .

Virtual Sheep, My Only Love!

Letter From Prison

Death

Illumination

Madness

Alone in the World

Craziness

Head in the Clouds?

I Should be Dead

I’m Your Slave

Life and I are Incompatible

To Die in Peace

Dear God, Let Me Be Done With It

Come On, Damn It, I’ve Got a Life to Live

Life

 

 

 

 

Part 2 – Rap/Heavy Metal Songs (more extreme)

 

 

We may still save humanity in America

Awareness in San Francisco

My Rough Edges

This is a Declaration of War

You can rape me all you want

The World is filled with Backstabbers

They’ve been testing me, like a rat!

You’re not so cool after all

What’s Your First Name Again?

A Gun at Your Head

Have you lost Faith in Destiny?

Drowning in my sorrows

Oh please let me be happy again!

I never felt so powerful!

Everyone needs to start somewhere

History has got nothing to do with you

Guilty!

Dear God

Child Suicide

Study your symbolism, for god’s sake!

Desperate for a gun in America

Let me buy you out just to shut you up

The Mormon’s Disney Land in Utah

Notice of Resignation, The Perfect Sample Letter

Propaganda

Frontline Terrorism

A Serious Problem with Authority

I’m Going to Find Myself a Whore

I’m Your Inflatable Virgin Mary

Alien Nation

I Know the Name of God

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 1 – Any Style Songs

 

 

 

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

 

(chorus:)

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

I’ve seen it comin

I always do

 

What is it this time?

What is this big secret which will again

Devastate me?

Irretrievably change my life

To keep me exactly where I am now

Where we’ve always been?

 

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

I’ve seen it comin

I always do

 

Oh please!

Can we live this life without anymore downfalls?

Is it not possible to live a life

Of total inaction?

All you need is one day

To destroy it all

When all we have ever been able to reach

Is the bottom of the ocean

Deeper and deeper

 

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

I’ve seen it comin

I always do

 

No matter how hard you try

To reach some sort of happiness

Just for a while

It can never last

You get right back to square one

Always

 

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

I’ve seen it comin

I always do

 

Another disaster

Another crisis

Some suffering

A lot of crying

Once again completely lost

Alone in the world

With great unexplored vastness in front of our eyes

Wishing we could fly and reach it all

Discover a new horizon

Less horrible than the precedent

As a law of nature

We can only find

Worse

 

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

I’ve seen it comin

I always do

 

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Yes, it always comes back to that

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Yes, it always comes back to that

 

There’s no way out for people like us…

There’s no way out for people like us…

There’s no way out for people like us.

 

Summary

 

 

Reaching an L.A. Crisis

 

Los Angeles

Crisis Mode

Panic Attack

Here we are

The End of Days

Just like in the movies

It was all true after all

I can’t think anymore!

I can’t breathe anymore!

I’ve reached another

L.A. Crisis

 

California

Crisis Mode

Panic Attack

Right here on Hollywood Boulevard

Dying on the street in Burbank

How was that a surprise?

They were all born here

They all died here

The legends

Drunk to full capacity

Drugged to full capacity

This is where

Hollywood drove them all

Over the cliff

 

Hollywood

Crisis Mode

Panic Attack

The End of Days

For me to discover now

To understand

To assimilate

To digest

The enormity of it

The enormity of it all

I will accept my destiny

I will go through it all

I will live through hell

But

I will survive

My L.A. Crisis

 

Summary

 

 

My new big venture will destroy everything

 

(chorus 1:)

This time I will hit it big

Yes I will

 

Another big crazy idea

Just have to pursue it

Until it drains all my energy

And destroy just about

Everything else that is still standing in my life

 

My new big venture!

It will revolutionize everything

Once again

Never mind that none of my other big ventures

Never went anywhere

 

(chorus 2:)

Maybe

Just Maybe

One day

It will revolutionize everything

 

It will be huge

It will change everything

By destroying

Just about

Everything else

Still standing

In my life…

 

Maybe

Just Maybe

One day

It will revolutionize everything

 

I won’t stop now!

I have another big venture idea

That will change everyone’s life

For the worst

It is in the nature

Of every new big venture

 

This time I will hit it big

Yes I will

 

Just have to be crazy enough

To sacrifice everything

Once again

For just any

New great big venture

 

Maybe

Just Maybe

One day

It will revolutionize everything

 

This time I will hit it big

Yes I will

I know it

Yes I do

 

Yes I will

I know it

Yes I do

Yes I will

I will

Will

 

Summary

 

 

My Imaginary Girlfriend

 

She is legendary

She is powerful

Intelligent

My imaginary girlfriend

 

She wants it all the time

She begs for more

She wants to please me all the way

My imaginary girlfriend

 

Just as well

Being so unremarkable

That my imaginary girlfriend

Is just imaginary

 

She’s filthy rich

More successful than Madonna

And pure of heart

My imaginary girlfriend

 

I can depend on her

I love her and she truly loves me

She even knows how to shut up

My imaginary girlfriend

 

Just as well

Being so unremarkable

That my imaginary girlfriend

Is just imaginary

 

She does not smoke

She does not drink

She’s certainly not a drug addict

My imaginary girlfriend

 

She’s not a bitch

She’s not killing me

She does not need to be shot in the head

My imaginary girlfriend

 

Just as well

Being so unremarkable

That my imaginary girlfriend

Is just imaginary

 

Summary

 

 

Are You Still My Friend?

 

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

I offended you

I stole everything from you

I understood the whole of your miserable life

I took pity on you

 

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

You’re my best friend, my only friend

I love you more than you could imagine

I thought that you were mine and no one else’s

But you have a life I know nothing about

 

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

I did not mean to

I’ve destroyed everything

In less time than it took to establish this impossible friendship

At least you know me, I was wild from the beginning

 

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

Could this be the end of that friendship?

Is it impossible to forgive whatever it was?

Are we going to be strangers even in the promised land?

It depends entirely on you

 

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

 

Summary

 

 

Ready to Explode

 

I’ve got a headache

No problem

Just all my energy

Ready to explode

 

I’ve got this urge in me

To make another world from this world

Look, it’s there, it’s here . . .

A real world!

 

I’m not mad

I’m not dead

I’ve got all this for you

And it’s ready to explode

 

You won’t have time to see

Won’t have time to hear

Even though it’s all around you

I’m ready to explode

 

I’m going to inspire the masses

I’m inspiring the masses

With whispers

As powerful as guns

Come on, come on!

I’m alive!

I cry out to life!

We’re going to create this world!

 

We’re motivated enough to get somewhere

To build a new world

Recreate an earthly paradise

You’ve heard me!

 

Get going!

There are still things to inspire you in this world

Things to save lost souls

We can’t forget that hell is waiting to explode

 

Can’t forget who we are

Our humble origins can become great

Be proud of what we represent

And fulfil a great destiny

 

Enough of self-absorption

Self-pity

We are as huge as the universe

We are the universe!

 

Ready to explode!

 

Summary

 

 

Freedom

 

There’s a life after life

An existence after what they’ve made us see

It’s strong and powerful!

It’s all the energy necessary to be born

 

It’s the sum of all the good songs

Of all the marginal personalities

It’s what inspires people to achieve the impossible

It’s what makes a people a great people

 

This infinite urge will be born in all nations of the universe

An enormous structure free from the shackles of the past

An extraordinary new inspiration

We’ll march all over the surface of the universe!

 

Understand the infinite capacity of everything

Understand the infinite definition of the world

Assimilating the whole world

Assimilating universal knowledge

 

Nothing will stop our progress through civilisations

No law, no ambitious wretch

No civil duty

We’ll live and live and live in total freedom!

 

The freedom to breathe

The freedom to act

The freedom to be

Freedom!

 

Summary

 

 

Poetry to Galvanise a Whole Generation

 

There was a time when poetry saved lives

A time when a young man would travel the roads of France

To look for adventure on the open sea

Calling up a whole world of the imagination

And rejecting all convention

That was poetry to galvanise a whole generation

 

Now is the time when poetry saves lives

A time when the young travel the roads of the world

To look for adventure on the open sea

Calling up a whole world of the imagination

And rejecting all convention

That’s poetry to galvanise a whole generation

 

There will be a time when poetry saves lives

A time when the young will travel the roads of the world

To look for adventure on the open sea

Calling up a whole other world

And rejecting all convention

That will be poetry to galvanise a whole generation

 

Summary

 

 

Our Terrible Sentence

 

Forgive me God for I have sinned

I thought in my madness that I could save the world

I thought I could make a difference

I thought I had the power to change things

 

They deported me

They put me in prison

They stripped me of all the rights I’d been granted

They stripped me of all the hope I’d built up for myself

 

I deserve it

I was deaf

I was blind

I wasn’t up to it

Now I’m silent

Now I’m invisible

Now I’m dead

Is that what you want?

 

Now there can be no pardon

No possible understanding

No magic vision

In my mind you’re dead

 

Oh God, how your logic puts us in the wrong

How your will fails to move us

How your wisdom is unknown to us

My sentence is that of humanity

 

We’ve all sinned

We’ve all thought we could save the world

We’ve all thought we could make a difference

We’ve all thought we had the power to change things

 

We all failed

Our terrible sentence

 

Summary

 

 

Genesis

 

Have they even got any hope in life?

Any joy in seeing daylight fill space?

Are they still thinking about science, philosophy and politics?

Do they think they’ll discover psychology one day, late in the evening?

And has the wonderful world of money yet been born?

It’s called the world of marketing and sales

With project managers and managing directors

God must have created these things as irony or as vengeance

 

Once I saw a garden

Radishes, carrots, tomatoes

Earth and flowers

I didn’t see the advent of the business world written in the stars

Nor that of political wretchedness

I see the joy of someone who knows and can do nothing

Who walks free from every plague, every thought

Going out with no pressure, no qualifications

And walking all day without thinking about anything at all

A world that’s forgotten his existence

A world that doesn’t think any more

But lives and breathes

 

I walk in the wind

Learn to unlearn

To forget whatever we’ve tried to understand

Free myself from these machines and this noise

Flee from people running in all directions

I’m in quest of inaction

I want total emptiness

I want to live

 

Summary

 

 

They all killed in your name

 

Oh God!

They were all born in their own little world

They all interpreted your existence according to their own ideas

They all wrote their own bible and believed in it

They all thought they knew everything

They all thought they were right

They all waged war to impose their own ideas

They all killed in your name

 

Oh God!

Did you want so many nations and such wretchedness?

So many births and deaths?

Can pardon, absolution, ever come from all this hell?

We’re born, we die, just where we are

Freedom of thought has never motivated us

We all have our own laws, our own ways of doing things

They all waged war for their own ends

They all killed in your name

 

Oh God!

Didn’t you want us to convert our enemy?

Didn’t you want us to understand our enemy?

Didn’t you want us to help our enemy?

Didn’t you want us to love our enemy even if he kills us?

They all waged war

They all killed in your name

They’re all guilty

You probably wanted anarchy on earth?

 

Summary

 

 

Living in Infinity

 

I wanted to achieve great things

And I achieved them

 

I wanted to love the world

And I loved it

 

I wanted to travel over the oceans of the universe

And I travelled there

 

I wanted to understand the universe

And I understood it

 

I wanted to create wonderful things

And I created them

 

You don’t understand!

I’ve done everything

Loved everything

Understood everything

Created everything

 

But God’s work is never done

It’s always ongoing

And all the more majestic for that

It’s infinite

And I lack the energy

 

I lack the energy to achieve great things

To love infinitely

Understand infinitely

Create infinitely

 

I lack the energy to live in infinity

 

Summary

 

 

Life Isn’t Life

 

Who’s looking for life?

Is there life in this world?

I’ve been searching for it all my life

Late at night in the streets of the world

And I can now say

Death is the whole world

Death is in everything

Death is everywhere

 

So I can’t speak this language

So I’m here in this world without the right to life

And I still find a way of expressing myself

On all the oceans of this planet

There’s no land which can support life

Only hell

Words have no meaning

No way of expressing what I feel

The result of so many years of ordeal

Has only brought despair

In a world where I’ve got everything

It’s still not enough

I’m dying

 

Summary

 

 

I Don’t Remember

 

I wrote some twenty-five volumes on the subject

You didn’t listen to a word

You produced a work on inspiring politicians

I didn’t listen to a word

You wanted to revolutionise everything, thought your nation great and glorious

Nobody listened

 

I wanted to study something interesting in your universities

You didn’t listen to a word

You wanted my support and hard work

I didn’t listen to a word

You wanted to tear my country apart to be born among the nations of the universe

Nobody listened

 

I wanted to play my part, I wanted to be what I am

You didn’t listen to a word

You scolded me for my way of life, for not being part of my nation

I didn’t listen to a word

Now you’ve got need of new blood because you’re dying

Nobody will listen to you again

 

Summary

 

 

Make a Difference

 

It’s always possible to leave those you love

It’s always possible to follow other paths

It’s always possible to challenge everything from morning to night

It’s always possible to begin to live again

 

Be happy and free!

Create your own universe, even if you have to rewrite all the dictionaries

You’ll be surprised at the results you can achieve

A personal success going well beyond what anyone else has hoped

 

It’s possible to make your life over again!

It’s possible to build a new world!

It’s possible to succeed according to your own principles!

It’s possible to be happy!

 

Being marginal has never been forbidden

Losing the respect of others has never been a problem

Saying that others are wrong is acceptable

Making a difference is something to be wished for

 

The only thing that counts is the final reckoning at the end of our lives

The only results that count are those we’ve wanted to achieve ourselves

We must free ourselves from everyone else

Be marginal and make a difference

 

Summary

 

 

God my darling

 

Oh God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

To continue in this world

Cos' it is to us to build it

Oh God, don't let me down

 

How nice it is to be on top of the world again

Knowing everything there is to know about everything

Did you know you could know beyond the horizon

All the things you used to know

All thrown out the window

 

Oh dear

There is always another way to see things

To interpret reality

Oh god knows if without it I would not be alive

To talk about it without talking about it

 

God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

 

So many songs could motivate you tonight

So many people that could electrify you

And you are thinking of death

Smoking cigarettes until you spit blood

Drinking until you cannot see anymore

Did you have dreams?

Did you think you could change the world?

I do

I have the most wonderful dreams

I am changing the world

I am

 

Though I do not think anymore

Of wonders and peace and infinities

The horse has spoken

Destroyed my ideals

No matter

What good are ideals when you have the dream?

I won't sleep tonight

I will be awake and talking about what matters most

To drive you crazy

 

I will open your eyes

I will open your eyes to the real world

Being the driving force behind a nation

Thinking of new ways to be immortal

Deepest sights and glories

I'll show you, make you understand

That you do not see and do not understand

My deepest thoughts

Frightening views of the underworld

What is happening to this world without your knowledge

Isn't that great

 

Oh God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

To continue in this world

Cos' it is to us to build it

Oh God, don't let me down

 

God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

 

Summary

 

 

I am out of this world

 

Wasteland

Vast wasteland in front of you all

All you were ever able to produce and protect till death

It contains your life story

Your information in the making

DNA lost and lost and lost in and around

Like a slinky going through the heavens

The snakes walking in the spiral of your downfall

3D world for 2D people in a 1D thinking process

Oh shit, have I said too much for your poor mind?

You don't see

You don't understand

Because I don't want you to

I am killing myself over you

I am killing myself for you

I am the person who will injure you for what you represent

I am the rebel of your destiny

Your useless destiny

I don't need my 15 minutes of fame

To communicate that to you in a way that will never reach you

It is exploding in your face

You have never tried

To see beyond matter

Foolish destiny

You do not have the freedom of decision

You never had

Where you are now and where you are going was not written

It is happening and will happen without your consent, without your decisions

It had to be, there is no other way

Where you are going now is computable

It obeys mathematical equations and there is no freedom of thought

Even I cannot free myself from it

Why bother then? God only knows

How sad must it be to know that we had no other choice than be stupid

Obeying some sort of laws of irrationality beyond comprehension

Cannot commit suicide because there is no other way

Cannot be intelligent because there is no other way

You follow your own course, you cannot deviate

You do not choose

You do not really think

It was predetermined by nobody

That nobody that has the last laugh though it serves no purpose

Philosophy was going to happen one day

It was nice to think it meant something

Obviously it never meant anything

How else would you know exactly what will happen tomorrow?

There is no free will in this world

It is a pointless world

Can't commit suicide, it was not written in the stars

Unfortunately

 

Summary

 

 

Presque vu (Almost Seen)

 

I feel like I could almost feel it

I feel like I could almost reach it

Oh, it is all there to grasp and understand

And yet it is out of my reach!

 

Sometimes I understand

I can see beyond everything

I can surmise how the universe works

I can change destiny

 

Must be because I am totally disconnected

Must be because I am mad

I am certainly crazy

Visions or dreams?

 

Have I told you my brain is not working properly?

I am schizophrenic

I am suffering from epileptic seizures

Hallucinations of all sorts

 

That is how I finally connect the dots

That is how finally everything makes sense

That is why I understand the universe

That is why I understand that reality does not make any sense

 

I feel like I could almost feel it

I feel like I could almost reach it

Oh, it is all there to grasp and understand

And yet it is out of my reach!

 

Summary

 

 

The well of wishful thinking

 

I see a well on the horizon

Quickly I go there and throw some money in it

I am so empty

I make a wish

 

Will all my dreams come true?

All the changes in my life that I wish for?

Will I suddenly be rich and famous?

No need to do anything anymore till the day I die?

 

Oh you, well of my destiny

Make all my desires come true

The world coming to a stop

To see what it is they live for

 

I am so simple minded

So stupid that spiders creeping on the wall don’t realize

How worthless I have become

Still I have this complex of superiority

 

Does not make much sense

Oh, well of my destiny

Help me understand what my purpose in life is

I have lost any kind of motivation

 

As incomprehensible as these old expressions are

Perhaps you do not mean anything after all

Wishing well of my destiny

I am empty

 

As empty as you

 

Summary

 

 

I am Saint Karen from New York

(Co-written with Saint Karen)

 

I am Saint Karen from New York

The isolation is intense

That's why it is so refreshing to think

Why is everyone so afraid of confrontational honesty? 

I even encounter it in the angst subcultures

It seems like fake angst is accepted because it is a packaging marketing gimmick

But real raw existential panic is hard for people to digest

I certainly see it in the local music scene

Sometimes it's easy for me to feel insecure about myself

But then I just have to plow forward and realize that I must keep agitating the sleepy masses

I like to think of myself as Joan of Arc

Who knows maybe she was in touch with her nothingness

I noticed I mention God a lot

God has always been an influence

Did he eventually ever fall in love?

Did he have a 9 to 5 job anywhere in this world?

Then he would understand what I am going through

Well I thought a lot about spirituality

Got me nowhere, as expected

I guess I will never see the light

Condemned to walk this earth till the end of time

Causing trouble in the mist of New York

Forever and ever

My vision

That is my destiny

 

Summary

 

 

Stuck in a Time Loop

 

Oh God

I am back where I was

Where I have always been

What is it I have to learn here that I have not learnt before?

Are you not worried that I will get bored out of my mind?

That suddenly suicide will become very attractive to me?

Seeing the end of this life means everything to me

Nothing new on the horizon

Nothing new

I have tasted something else you know

I am getting somewhere, or so I thought

But I am not

I am still here

Stuck in this time loop forever

I can’t bear it anymore

I do not want that

I want my freedom

I want to live!

To explode on the universe

Have an impact beyond comprehension

I want to dictate!

I want to change the world!

I don’t want to be stuck here

I don’t want to get back to square one

Every damn minute of my existence

Where’s the way out?

What can I do to change my life?

I don’t care if you don’t think like I do

I don’t care if you don’t agree with what I am

I won’t be stuck in this time loop any longer

I will change everything for the better

No more authority

No more hierarchy

No more daily routine till death

No more anything you have ever known

I do not accept this way of life

I will break this loop

I will be free

 

Summary

 

 

God forbid

 

If I were to dictate around here

God forbid

Things would work

 

If I were to control your destiny

God forbid

You would meet the biggest wall of all

 

If I were to decide to act

God forbid

The end of the world would be near

 

If I were to shoot you

God forbid

You would be dead

 

If I could control the elements

God forbid

I would be halfway across the galaxy by now

 

If I could devise the plans

God forbid

We would be a higher form of life right now

 

If I could invent life

God forbid

Life would mean something

 

If I could live

God forbid

I would live to the maximum

 

If I could cry

God forbid

I would cry

 

If I could just be aware for one long second

God forbid

I would see and understand everything there is to understand in this meaningless existence

 

But there is no chance of that since

God forbid!

 

Summary

 

 

There is no Point

 

There is no point in anything

I am out of this world

I don’t exist here

What do you expect?

Richness and wonders?

La huitième merveille du monde?

La fin du monde?

I have been expecting it

Takes too long to happen

Nothing contents me

Nothing makes me happy

Distractions, well…

They don’t last

Happy world

Everything is nice and expected

I need more

I need much more

More than you could ever provide

I need to get out of here

Out of this universe

To understand everything

But I already do

I am out of here

I live somewhere else

I understand everything

There is nothing to understand

I am a program

That cannot see beyond the programming

And when I catch a glimpse

I see that there is no point in going any further

Being out of ones mind

Out of this world

And see what is out there

And it is the same

The same shit

At another level

Big deal

Is there a point to all this?

Perhaps if I die tonight I might find out

 

Summary

 

 

That’s it, I had enough

 

I had enough

Of these dreams

Of this unexpected breakthrough

Of these infinite possibilities

How I got myself in such a situation

That I have five days left to live

Before it is all over once again

Until I find the next idea

The next solution that will get me going for another five days

I can no longer live like that

I had enough

I refuse to continue

To hope for a better life

To hope for all my dreams to come true

I have made my decision

Gone!

Gone this life I dreamt of

Never have I been so close

I don’t care

That’s it

I had enough

One more drink is all that I need to finally connect the dots

I won’t dream anymore that someone will come and save me

This only happens in films and maybe not

I’m as good as dead

I cannot pay anymore for all my faults

I cannot live anymore for all my dreams

It is all beyond me now

I am as good as dead

 

Summary

 

 

Never been so low

 

I have finally reached rock bottom

I never thought I would reach it

I always hoped for something, anything

Now I know it was all useless

I am not expecting anything from God

I am not expecting anything from anyone

Because even a miracle would not save me now

Something has changed in me

I don’t want any savior anymore

I don’t want to be saved

I am beyond hope

I have known it for a while

I did not want to admit it

I have tried so hard!

To get out of my misery

And now I don’t want to

Fight anymore

Survive anymore

Hope anymore

 This is my will

Delete me

Delete my life

Delete everything!

I do not want to have existed

I was never meant to be!

I am a mistake

Why was I ever born?

I did not want to!

I don’t want this life

I never wanted it!

Let me go!

Let me die!

Please, I’ll do anything!

Anything to have never existed!

I was not meant to be

I was not meant to exist

I need to correct this mistake

I need to be deleted

I need to die

 

Summary

 

 

Towards the Green Fields

 

Every night I dream of green fields

Wherever they are

That is what I need to fall asleep

I always get back to that

Green fields

Peace of mind, peace

From you, your existence, your babblings

I always need a break

Dream is my escape

There I don’t really exist

There are no consequences

No memories

I don’t know where I come from

I cannot remember anything superfluous

 Nothing that can be linked to a useless name

To a life of some sort

I am out of here!

Nothing will ever save me!

I’ve always known that

Sad I never did anything concrete about it

Except walk around endlessly

In what I thought was my little universe

It is way too small!

Look at the stars!

It is infinite!

What am I doing here then?

God knows…

I was not meant to be human

I was meant to be the Universe

I am supposed to create the world

In seven seconds

Every day

As many worlds as is necessary

To get lost everywhere every second of the day

One day I am here, the next I am there

I am all over the place!

I am everywhere!

As many places as I can think of

As many universes that I can create

An infinite amount of me in as many universes as there are

I do not know of any reality

I’ve never known of anyone’s existence

This is the beginning of a new destiny!

Splashed over the stars and galaxies

This is where I belong!

There are green fields everywhere

Even in the darkest spots in the universe

Where no one ever went and will ever go

Let’s face it, you do not need to exist

I see you every day walking everywhere for no reason

There are billions of you and you are not bothered by that

How useless you are in this mass of the same thing

Countless human beings with no brain

Not one of them wondering why they are here or alive

Should not deserve to be here or alive

There is place for only one soul in my green fields, mine

And mine alone

I don’t see billions of faces

That all look the same to me

With the same story to tell

Ahhh! Emotions, feelings, love, conflicts, a desire to assert oneself

You’re all the same

You are but one person!

But not with me

I am the Marginal

I am out of your identical and meaningless identity

I am the one apart from the masses

I do not understand you

I do not want to be part of you

I do not walk like one in between you when I walk brainless around you

I look at you all and I wonder

I am not part of this

I am not like them

I’m not sure why

I just know

I don’t belong here

Just because I understand that all this is meaningless

That I am only one in billions

I know I am not the same somehow

I know I am different

And I know you despise me for being different

I know you do not want me in your society

You know I don’t belong there

You hate it when someone is not like you

You hate it when someone stops to think some more about the world

You hate it when someone is different, you don’t want them there

They could question you, judge you

They could question why you exist

They could understand how small you are

You know

And I know too

You think there are billions of different personalities

You secretly know there is only one and the same personality

And you share that same identity with everyone on this planet

I am different, I am unique

And thank God for that!

Otherwise there would certainly be no point in living

With a useless job title to justify some sort of meaning to one’s existence

I have my corner of the universe

I possess one little house somewhere

Let’s locate it by satellite

Here it is

That dot lost in between countless dots

That’s you!

Proud achievement!

Useless achievement

I live in my green fields

And they are nowhere to be found, for you that is

 

Summary

 

 

I am going to heaven

(Descent Into Hell)

 

How many times have I found myself here?

Hundreds of times

Did I see light on the horizon?

Never

 

But I’m never alone here

I see familiar faces

I meet famous people

Will we all be here?

 

My descent into hell is infernal

It burns me completely

It eats me away inside until there’s nothing left

That’s my destiny

 

A zombie in the caverns of this world

Seeing dimly at the summits of this life

We’ve all been going round in circles since the beginning of time

How could we have been happy?

 

With this guilt that eats us

This regret that burns us up

This remorse that kills us

It’s a descent into hell

 

Well, I’m not going to moulder away here

I’m not going to die here

I’m going to get my things together and go up to the surface again

For having suffered so much here on earth, I too am going to heaven

 

Summary

 

 

Death Valley

 

An endless desert

An endless road

The feeling that you’ll never see civilisation again

Running out of water or petrol, that’s all it needs

On this road which is badly in need of repair

And without a single tourist

 

This was the moment you chose to make your latest outburst

I panicked, went into the ditch

We hit each other with our fists

I went off into the mountains, or whatever you call those canyons, with my face all bloody

I didn’t want you to find me

I didn’t want anyone to find me ever again

I walked for a long time and I never felt I was in any danger

Rage made me forget I had no way of getting back to Los Angeles or London

You had all my meagre possessions

It wasn’t the first time I’d left everything behind

 

Your bad temper had become my bad temper

Your problems had become my problems

Your moaning had become my moaning

Your hell had become my hell

 

And suddenly, lost there alone in the desert

I looked at the sky, the sun and the white moon you see in daytime

And I felt good

I felt happy

Your bad temper, your problems, your moaning, your hell

Were no longer mine

 

You had already gone on towards Nevada

I was about to die there alone in Death Valley

And I felt wonderful

I had no more problems

No more moaning on the horizon, just some strange trees

In Death Valley, condemned to die

I was in paradise!

 

Summary

 

 

Inner Peace

 

Purity of mind

Innate clarity

The brain breathes

Oops!  It’s fallen

Get up!  It’s fallen

Aaargh!

 

What a lovely day

Such a nice breeze

Let’s walk in the park

Ah, the trees are in blossom!

I need that now

I’d like to doze off here

Sleep for hundreds and hundreds of years

Wake up again when the world has disappeared

 

I’m not thinking about anything any more

I’m creating a void

Filling myself with this view

It’s starting to rain

I’m on earth

I see the blue sky

And the birds

 

What lovely day?

I didn’t even dare get out of bed this morning

I took a good look at the prospect of living

And went back to sleep

 

Summary

 

 

The New Age

 

We’re getting to the end of an era

To a world where all the laws will be different

Where frontiers won’t exist any more

The freedom necessary for the survival of the species

Wars don’t matter, nor religions, nor existing political systems

A huge revolution is coming

Nothing can stop it because it will happen automatically

Almost naturally

And everyone will welcome the results

Rejoicing in the consequences

Discovering a new universe

We’ll go where it seems good to us to go

Time will no longer limit us

At the dawn of civilisation

A new age will begin

 

Summary

 

 

To Hell with Conformism

 

I never wanted to be different

I always wanted to be part of the group

It was never amusing to be pointed out

To have to fight

And all the rest of it

I’ve always been seen as a danger

A danger to the conformism necessary to society

So am I a danger?

Am I such a threat that I must be eliminated?

I’ve never understood why we don’t have the right to go against the rules

Don’t have the right to say that what we learned wasn’t true

Don’t have the right to think differently from the rest

But I’m not going to apologise

I am different

I think differently from the rest

They call me weird

They class me as dangerous

All right then, I’l